Bennifer: An Anatomy Of Relationships
Whether you a celebrity or a regular citizen, society always has its hands around your neck. The only difference is that the definition of society depends on the strata to which they belong. For the regular citizens, it's our annoying neighbors and for celebrities, it's the media.
To understand the anatomy of how societal expectations we will take the example of Ben Affleck and the stunning Jennifer Lopez but to comprehend better I will take you through their entire timeline.
Bennifer is the name given to the highly prolific relationship between Hollywood's two leading A-listers Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez. They collaborated together on two movies Gigli and Jersey Girl. and Affleck appeared in Jennifer's music video titled "Jenny from the block".
Before collaborating on the set Gigli, they had crossed paths at the 70th Academy Awards and the premiere of Armageddon. They met on the movie set on 2002, at the moment Jennifer Lopez was married to Chris Judd but they still faced the scrutiny of the media and soon rumors spread that they are having an affair.
They Discarded the rumors and maintained the stance that they were close friends. Jennifer Lopez and Chris Judd separated that summer and in July 2002 she was photographed with Ben Affleck thus cementing their relationship.
After being together for 3 months, in October 2002 Ben Affleck proposed to Jennifer Lopez. This became the talk of the town and brought the couple a lot of media traction and later that month they started filming Jersey Girl. Jennifer Lopez dedicated her album titled "This is me ... then" to Affleck.
On August 1st, 2003, their first collaborative effort Gigli was released, the movie opened with extremely negative articles and is dubbed as one of the biggest box office bombs of all time. Along with the box office disappointment, they also received backlash from the media.
They broke their engagement in early 2004 because of extreme media attention and also because Jennifer wanted to settle down while Ben Affleck didn't want to give up his bachelor lifestyle.
After their breakup, Ben Affleck married Jennifer Garner on June 29 2018, and Jennifer Lopez married Marc Anthony from June 2004 to June 2014 but 19 years later.....
On May 24th,2021 they were spotted together in Miami. On June 24th, 2021 their rekindled relationship was confirmed and they later got married on July 16th,2022. That's how two estranged lovers rekindled their love.
After looking at their timeline, I realized that as celebrities they faced harsh media treatment but when I interpolated their relationship and compared it to mine, They were also a victim of societal pressure.
According to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, every human being has five stipulated stages of fulfillment; psychological needs, safety needs, love and belongingness needs, esteem needs, and self-actualization. Societal pressure is a subset of the theory.
Societal pressure makes it statutory for people to get married at a certain age. I personally relate to the story of Bennifer because even I had a person in my life to whom I wanted to get married. We were together for 2 years but after excessive pressure from his family, he had to leave the country to finish his MBA.
I waited for him for two years and he promised to come back but he didn't, he wanted me to move there but I had my own plans and desires, I had just been promoted. I was 24 at that time and felt dejected, finally, I did move on. The thing is that when you meet the perfect person you tend to make him/her the benchmark for all future relationships and that's what I did.
After him, I met a fellow employee and started dating him. He was a really good person but again he was nowhere close to the man I lost and I had accepted my fate and decided that he is the best I'm ever going to get and I had just turned 26 so even I thought that's the right age to get married.
My mom got married when she was 24, my dad was 26 at that time and all my friends were engaged so I thought this is the best time for me . I got married on July 15, 2008.
I did everything that Society taught me to; I was an attentive wife, I was always there for my family, had kids, and also worked but something was missing. We realized that things weren't working out and this lead to numerous fights. We divorced after 7 years of marriage; I tried my best to hold on but was nothing to hold on to.
15 July 2017 was our high school reunion, I initially didn't want to go but after ten emotionally blackmailing calls from my batchmates, I decided to go. On the event night, I met everyone and it was wonderful to know that everyone was happy in their respective lives.
All my batchmates were dancing with their partner while I sat alone and that's when I spotted him, even though he was sitting alone. We looked at each other and shared a smile. He approached me and it was just like old times.
We shared all our experiences after we broke up, I told him about my divorce and he told me that after breaking up with me neither did he date anyone nor did he marry. He told me that he was shifting back and has been employed in the same organization I work in.
We started working together and after talking to him I felt like myself again, the feeling was surreal; almost oddly unsettling. One day he asked me out for dinner and I said yes. After dinner we shared a kiss, I was really confused regarding which direction were we going.
The next day I confronted him and he told me that he wanted to be with me again. We started dating again and our mutual take on the relationship was way better than it was when we were young. We both learned the art of better communication, understanding each other, and respect for one another.
After dating for 2 years, we got married. It was just like we planned when we were young, we wanted it to be sketchy and quirky. I was walking down the aisle while "November rain" was being played, He was wearing a maroon tuxedo and I wore a fusion between a skirt and a wedding dress.
After marrying him I realized that Just like Bennifer if we didn't have pressure from our families( in their situation, the media) and if we were given the choice to choose our own career paths, we could have been together.
I was 24 when we broke up, and instead of handling it maturely, I married the next best option even though I didn't have feelings for him. I loved my marriage with him and I love my kids but he just wasn't the one.
It is nearly impossible to find the perfect person and if you do work towards it, Don't let it go, don't push them away, and cherish it because if you ruin your relationship you will spend the next years of your life trying to replace them but you just won't be able to.
Don't come under the expectation of society, people have their set perception about how marriages should be but I believe in breaking the stereotype. Don't make society a catalyst which ruins your relationship.