How To Calmly And Effectively Handle Tantrums Without Losing It

Effective ways on handling tantrums while keeping your cool.

Tantrums.  The things parents and expectant parents dread.  They sometimes seem to come out of nowhere over the tiniest of things.  It's frustrating when your child gets so frustrated over something so little to you but it's so big to them.  My son tends to get frustrated when our cats get anywhere near his Hot Wheels or monster truck vehicles and if they move one out of place in the line of vehicles he's created, he's not going to be happy and a meltdown will ensue.  Children, specifically ones aged 1-4, don't yet have the skills to handle the things that upset them or the skills to express their frustration.  To us adults, their tantrums are very annoying and can cause us to get frustrated as well.  We are their example of how to handle our emotions.  What they see is how they will respond when they get frustrated, angry or sad.  As a result, if we lose it while they're losing it, the tantrum is only going to get worse.   The best thing we can do for our children is stay calm.  Yes, this is not always realistic.  We as parents have our own issues in our lives but we cannot project that onto our kids when we get angry and especially when they are upset about something.  

mom guilt
Working Mother

When you feel like you're going to lose it, do this instead:

  • Take some deep breaths and reassess how you can handle the situation.
  • Ignore the tantrum and step away from your child.
  • Remove yourself from the situation.  For example, tell your child you need a "time out" to calm yourself down and go into another room so long as they are in a space where they can remain safe by themselves for a few minutes. 
  • Ask your spouse to step in and help if they're available.
  • Give yourself a break if you do lose it.  Know that you are human and sometimes we can't handle our emotions very well either. 
  • Do literally anything else to get yourself to calm down.  Acting silly can easily snap you all out of it. 
  • Know your limits.  Sometimes we lash out and project towards our kids when we are stressed out or exhausted.
  • Speaking of exhaustion, make sure you're getting enough sleep.  When we are sleep-deprived we tend to get irritated very quickly and anything can trigger us.
  • Know your triggers.  When are you most irritated? Figure out what triggers your anger and get out and do something else that will take your mind off of it. 
  • If you do lose it, apologize.  Tell your child you are sorry for how you reacted and remind them that you still love them.  There's no reason why you shouldn't apologize to your child.  It's a good thing for them to learn as well.  Our actions have consequences and when we are wrong, it's good to apologize for it and own up to it.    

Parenting is no easy feat.  Sometimes we are drained mentally and physically.  Some days, we are just going to lose it.  We can work on ways to recognize and catch ourselves before we do though.  If we can recognize we are about to lose it before we actually do, we are able to take on any tantrum our child throws our way.  

Parent Circle
Parent Circle

Effective ways to minimize tantrums once they've already begun:

If you're already in the midst of a tantrum and can respond to it in a calm way, try a few of these tips from real parents

  • Distract your child. Sometimes, all it takes is removing your child from the place of frustration and providing them with something else to do and a break from what's frustrating them.
  • Give them a big squeeze! Hugs can go a long way and sometimes children need to know that they are safe and still loved despite throwing a tantrum.
  • Ignore it.  I mentioned this earlier but ignoring the tantrum and not giving it any attention will show your child that throwing tantrums to get what you want is not going to work.
  • Give them an ultimatum.  For example, if you're supposed to do something fun like go to the park, remind them that if they can't behave you will not be able to go. 
  • Do not tell your child to calm down, it will most likely make things worse.
  • Validate their feelings.  For example, if they want a cookie before dinner and they throw a fit, tell them you understand they're angry with you because they can't have a cookie and that they can have one after dinner.
  • Do not give in!  If you give in, the tantrums will continue because you've just taught your child that tantrums are effective.

All in all, tantrums happen.  Even when you can remain calm and follow some of these steps, they will still happen.  Don't beat yourself up if you can't always stay calm; you're human.  Apologize, remind them you love them and move on.  As they get older and build the skills needed to express their emotions, the tantrums will begin to cease.    

Stay-at-home mom who loves reading, writing, working out and hanging out with my Little Lion.

No Saves yet. Share it with your friends.

Write Your Diary

Get Free Access To Our Publishing Resources

Independent creators, thought-leaders, experts and individuals with unique perspectives use our free publishing tools to express themselves and create new ideas.

Start Writing