5 Ways To See Through Scuffles In A Relationship

While it is no secret that love and hate are part an parcel of a relationship, there are ways to ensure hate doesn't cloud and break it.

"You don't develop courage by being happy in your relationships everyday. You develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity" - Epicurus

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Having been in a relationship which led to a successful marriage of several years, I wondered how sweet it all started and what it has come to after the test of time. One thing that stood out to me was that relationships are not all rosy as portrayed in happily ever after movies. Once the initial buzz of a new relationship fades away, certain things start to creep up slowly. Those small misunderstandings arising out of expectations eventually turn into conflict.  When expectations aren't met in a relationship, it hurts the ego of one of the partners eventually triggering responses that lead to conflict. Sometimes it is not easy to resolve conflicts. This turns the whole relationship topsy-turvy that the very people that liked each other so much start to hate. So what is the key to get past all these scuffles and sustain conflicts and still be happy in a relationship ? 

Is it possible to avoid conflicts completely ? No, as no two people agree on everything despite how compatible they are. So the key to a successful relationship is to acknowledge that conflicts are inevitable and that if they are not addressed, it only leads the relationship to sore further. Instead of viewing conflicts as barriers, what if conflicts are viewed as opportunities to understand one another better and increase the bonding ? Here are five ways to do that: 

1. Acknowledge the difference

While it may seem obvious that conflicts arise out of difference in expectations and opinions, it is important to acknowledge those differences. This helps with understanding the other person better and look for ways to achieve a common ground. This acknowledgement also help influence each other's expectations. 

2. Have empathy for one another

Though empathy is an overrated word these days, it takes a lot to put yourself in other person's shoes. But if done correctly, it gives one context as to what other person's world looks like and what influences them. For example, having empathy for your partner would make you understand that it is their past experiences and childhood that shapes their expectations. Having this knowledge helps allude unwanted quarrels. 

3. Prioritize your fights

Once you start to acknowledge the difference between you and your spouse, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that not all fights are same. Instead of focusing on what you think is right, focusing on whether a fight is worth your time helps you avoid a conflict at that point in time completely. 

4. Focus on solving issues 

Other tip in relation to prioritizing your fights is to understand the fact that it is the intent that matters and not the argument. If you focus on winning each and every quarrel with your spouse, it will not do any good to the relationship and instead lead to more disagreement and hatred. But if the focus is on acknowledging and solving problems and to achieve a common ground, it helps one person understand the other better and completely get rid of this conflict in future. 

5. Listen and learn

The last tip in your armor of weapons to deal with couple conflicts is listening to one another and learn from the past. Most arguments deteriorate because one person did not listen to the other properly. Its no surprise that all of us yearn for the other's attention in a relationship. If couples deny or deprive each other of such basic expectation, it triggers a response that make these couple hate one another. Without proper attention to listening, messages are easily misunderstood thus adding fuel to the fire. Though this tip is pretty basic, it helps a lot in dealing with conflicts. 

Thus, finding ways to deal with conflicts not only prevents a relationship from soring but also ensures that it remains sweet through the test of time. 

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