Ignoring Love's Obligations

   I'm unsure who pushed the notion that we are obligated to constantly deal with issues that someone else refuses to fix for themselves. In love, you constantly make sacrifices and compromises of self in order to appease your partner or in short be considered as a support system for them. However, when someone questions your integrity as a being or the person they claim to love and know, in my opinion it comes off as the highest form of disrespect. What I am describing are issues such as trust, honesty, and having to be on the receiving end of your partner's battles with their past relationships. Frankly, it is unfair to have to deal with someone so damaged when you are not the person that broke them.

   When it comes to healing, it is something that the person must seek on their own. Often we act as a crutch or a safe haven for the person that we care about. Allowing them to project and say hurtful things that we should "understand" because they allegedly did not mean it or they are going through something and we should be there for them. Feelings that we have for them run deep and often cloud our judgement, morals, and things they we would never tolerate from someone we did not love. Their emotions become our burden, they become our pain, which then resonates into our truths. You will find yourself apologizing for pain you never caused them. You will find yourself questioning your stance in the relationship and if in fact you are triggering them in a way.

   Take off your rose colored glasses and realize that the person you care about is not going to heal by your love alone. No one is saying that you should cease being their support system, but when will they gain that maturity to seek help for theirselves? If that person was not ready to embrace a new and budding relationship with the mindset that this person is not who they were with before, it is not up to you to constantly convince them. You should not spend the entirety of your relationship convincing that you would never hurt them, lie, cheat, or cause them the hurt that mirrors their past. What would be the purpose of getting to know someone new if you were just going to treat them like someone else?

   Guess what? You are fighting battles that are not yours! Please understand this. Sometimes, it does not matter how many conversations, heart to hearts, and promises you share between you and your partner. The way that they feel towards certain issues is set in stone because they have not healed from it. Of course, pain teaches us things but it is toxic to treat everyone like they caused you pain. If you are displaying behaviors indicative of what they been through, you have to understand that this is triggering for them. If you are not, and they assume that you are out to get them when you never gave them any reason to feel that way, it is unfair to you to have to pick up those pieces. You are under no obligation to keep advocating for your character when your partner claims to know and love it.

So ask yourself, should we ignore love's "obligations" or should we continue on in the hopes that your partner will learn to heal by your love? Something they should have come into the new relationship with that knowledge already.