How To Learn To Rely On Yourself Before Others

During the COVID-19 pandemic, we got thrown into a whirlwind of uncertainty. With jobs, money and whether you could see people in the unknown, the only sure thing you could rely on is yourself. Over this time, how comfortable we are within has been put under a microscope and forced us to ask, are we happy by ourselves? 

To be self-reliant does not mean you do not socialise with other people. It is healthy to have relationships, deepen those connections and meet new exciting people. Socialising is how you grow, but first, relying on yourself before others signifies you can count on yourself when no one else is there. 

So, let us take the first step to be physically, mentally, and emotionally self-reliant with these easy five steps.

Step 1: Know Your Voice

To know who you are is to know your voice.

Your voice can be physical or digital either through social media or face to face, or how we project our voice through non-verbal actions. As people, our expression comes out whether we like it or not with the messages we send every day.

It is essential to be aware of who you are to then know what you need from yourself. Our voices and personalities are constantly changing through knowledge and experiences. As you evolve as a person, your voice naturally does with it. 

For example, an activist knows their voice as they promote what they care about daily; their job is to understand what they love and fight for it. We can all be activists for ourselves. As an individual, find what you love, what makes you sad, what makes you angry to develop your voice fully and who you are. 

Once you find your voice, the journey is endless; you can then express yourself to make sure it is authentically you. Finding out who you are can be an inspiring adventure, so be ready for it.

No one can help you to find your voice; it is up to you to do this. Unfortunately, people often do not spend enough time getting to know themselves by distracting themselves with jobs, money, hobbies, but this must be a priority.

To know your voice physically is to be confident in yourself enough to love your body how it is. Regardless of what over the years television or society has told you. 

Sometimes you can even express yourself through just the way you carry yourself through the street. We are self-conscious of the people around us, but being alone only requires you to be confident within yourself. Have your thoughts, feelings, and values clearly stated in your personality and your voice. 

Step 2: Take Charge Of Your Life

Once you found your voice, let everyone hear it.

Taking charge of your life means going for what you want and not letting anyone tell you differently. Sometimes, this will be to go against friends or loved ones, but only you live your life at the end of the day. 

You must stop comparing yourself to others and focus on yourself. Comparison is the thief of joy. Find little things you enjoy and do them; create a purpose for yourself that you love. Go to the café alone and order that double chocolate mocha with extra whipped cream you have been craving. Go and see that film you have been counting down the days until it is released alone. Do not let societal norms stop you.

If you are in a relationship, it is even more essential to be autonomous and express your voice as you can be the most authentic version of yourself. Just because you may not be in the traditional sense of alone, you can still be an individual within a pair. Independence and self-fulfilment are necessary to a healthy life. 

Too many people merge into who they are with, whether be that a spouse or a friend and sometimes lose themselves but ask yourself why (if you find that this is you) does someone go to the background? 

Maybe if someone does not know their voice or is not confident enough to say it is easier for them to go along with the crowd, but when does that stop. Although this does not mean ignoring people who do not share the same voice as yours, it is to be mindful of the fact and work to see how you can be the most authentic you in this situation. 

Make your voice heard, no matter where or when. If you feel the need to speak,  no situation should stop you from being heard especially if it is about you or something you value. Confidence in what you have to say translates to relying on your own opinion. 

Step 3: Get Creative

We must not rely on things or people to make us happy.

The journey to being self-reliant will not be an easy one. It is a mix of trial and error, good and bad days, easy and hard times all within us. However, it is how we take those times in our stride that makes or breaks us. 

A part of problem-solving is to assess that is there an actual problem at hand? As a population, we can get stuck into thinking that everything is a problem if it stops us from doing what we want, but there is only so much we can control. There is a balance to how much we should control our lives, find yours. 

To be self-reliant, you must go through this journey to who you want to be. So, give yourself the support you need to overcome what fears you first without help. It is important to note that sometimes you may need help, but not being reliant on it is the point. 

Plan how you will overcome problems like, for example, a wave of loneliness, on those days do something you know you love. If boredom hits and you start to think, "if only I had someone to...". Plan a trip you've always wanted to take for when you can afford it or redecorate a room a bizarre colour only you love.

When you start to plan these things by yourself, you can begin to notice that this idea of a soul mate is old fashioned when you can be your own soul mate. 

Be confident that you know yourself well enough to make those decisions, and then go for it with no regrets. It is easy to write this down, but in person, it may take a leap of faith with a gulp of courage, and you could unlock something magical. 

Step 4: Take Responsibility

Start making decisions that are going to better you.

Sometimes all it takes is less complaining and more gratitude for yourself to change your perspective for the better. You are one decision away from changing your life and finding true independence. 

If you mess up or find yourself one day pining over something you shouldn't or relying on another thing or person for external happiness, then that is ok. However, we must accept these as mistakes, learn and move forward with this exploration for self-reliance. 

To make mistakes is imperative to this journey; it is how we learn what triggers us into thinking we need external approval to be valid. It teaches us what works and what doesn't and then encourages a new way to the same problem. 

Taking responsibility is the part that can be hardest for people as it requires brutal honesty. It needs a stern approach about the difference between what makes you happy and what you want to make you happy.

Steps 1-3 of this list are necessary as you should know what makes you happy and how to do it; now, it is putting that into practice and holding yourself accountable.

Once you find those triggers that you do not think make you truly happy, it is time to heal and replace them with things you can provide for yourself. We can get creative, go out into the world and find out what you can replace these external damaging factors. 

Step 5: Celebrate Being You

Raise a glass because no one loves you more than you.

Let us accept ourselves as people as we should already do, but let us celebrate it. No one person is the same; what makes us diverse and individual is that we are all different and put on this earth. 

Once you find out how to make yourself truly happy, it is a remarkable thing. No longer are we staring at a screen, waiting to see if someone replies about a plan. We are not keeping those old memorabilia of past relationship/friendship for 'memories', and we are not compromising ourselves for some company. 

Now we feel comfortable in our skin, making us happy; it is easier to be authentic. When you radiate confidence and positivity, it is sensational to be around. It is easier to be self-reliant when you are like this than before these steps of not knowing where to start. 

Everyone will always have an opinion about something you do, so you should do what you like anyway. Life is a series of do's and don'ts, and the pattern is up to you. Physically you can exercise (or don't), wear make-up (or don't), shave your head (or don't); indeed, it is no one's business what you do with your body, so embrace it. 

You can rely on yourself to make mental do's and don'ts that affect your beliefs, feelings and values. Only you know what will uphold these, so to yourself, you decide on your do's that go along with your mental attitude. Then, you can chuck the people and activities that trigger the don'ts in your mind, or step four, get creative on what to do about it. 

You can celebrate who you are for you. With self-reliance you can explore this world knowing that you are happy with yourself, and be aware of what you have to offer it.

Reading this article makes you already five steps ahead of the rest to become physically, mentally, and emotionally self-reliant. Now rely on yourself before others and witness where it takes you.