Is Opting Not To Have Children Becoming The New Normal?

“I don’t really like kids; it feels like a societal thing where it’s expected to happen.” “I know I wouldn’t make a good mother given my family history.” Are just some of the quotes collected via Instagram for this article research purposes. Is the society pressuring women to be open to starting a family?
Beautiful woman with black hair and floral decoration

At these uncertain times and throughout the pandemic there has been a 15% decrease of interest to start a family amongst millennials. Does that mean that opting not to have a child is becoming the new normal? Is it that women do not have an interest in co-parenting or looking after their friends’ children? Does this make them selfish? No, it does not.


There is a constant judgement on women who choose not to have children no matter what their reasoning might be. The conversation of ‘do you have children? Why not?’ can be a tricky topic to discuss, and from interviewing a focus group of women it has been clear that not only do they feel judged, they also get told that they will ‘regret it later in life’. There is a stigma of being a perfect mother and it has become unable to split women from the idea of motherhood. But why do people not consider that some women may not have strong maternal instincts?


Opting not to have children is nothing unusual in today’s generation and can be a rather sensitive topic for thousands of women who have the hard decision not to conceive for medical reasons. However, new research has shown that reasons not to start a family often originate from no desire to change their lifestyle along with the cost aspect and career focus.


Women have been encouraged to reach for brand new opportunities and build their careers up, so it becomes evident why they would not want to be set back. Having a family while building a career is hard and time consuming, setting women back by roughly 2 and a half years which becomes costly especially if you are pursuing a career which requires a long study and experience period. Raising a child does not fit into everybody’s life plan, setting plans and goals does not always include starting a family with their partner.


There are many medical factors which give women the fear of passing down issues to their child, including both mental health as well as gene mutations. Some women who have struggled with mental health issues have expressed that they are conscious of the possibility that their mood will inflict the child they are bringing up, “I do not want to have a child knowing that there is a high possibility that they will face similar struggles as me, since mental health issues run in my family.” Anxiety is a common contributor of mental health issues that make it hard for women to want children, as it leaves them with built-up worry and overthinking.


From research, a high percentage of millennials have expressed no intention of having a baby before the age of 35, which is where the fertility rate currently falls becoming an all-time low. Over time, the age of when women have a baby has increased as focus shifts on stability and marriage before bringing a new life and starting a family. Women seem to be more interested in the idea of complete independency and an account full of savings before the idea of settling down. Of course, there are also young couples who want to settle down, however that number is slowly decreasing.


With high attention to social media, women have started to feel pressured at the idea of becoming the ‘perfect’ mother, worrying about the one Facebook post that could get them ‘cancelled’ and pushed out of their support groups. The constant pressure of ensuring that everything is perfect in order to avoid gossip forming from other mums is a factor which is often spoken about, leaving the discussion of why is there so much pressure in the first place? Is it not enough that the child has everything they need?  


Linking to social media and anxiety, there is always the issue of the society and how many kids are struggling with bullies on a daily basis. “I have suffered through secondary school, I could not imagine my possible child going through what I did, kids get mean and not everyone is able to cope well with bullying.”


Another reason why a lot of women opt out is because the planet is already ‘rather overpopulated’ so why not ‘save the planet’? The answer seems to be hard to track down, with concerns of overcrowding along with environmental issues as possible threats to humanity. This reason also highlights the worry of how many unwanted kids are in care homes and looking for their brand-new family, leaving many considering the idea of adoption or fostering. “I don’t want kids because I feel like it’s selfish with the amount of unwanted kids already.” Even with this factor, the number of children being adopted has fallen in the last four years by 7%.


The kind of lifestyle that an individual woman chooses can have a large impact onto whether they do or do not want kids. Having the freedom to do whatever they want and having time to themselves is a big factor for many women, Victoria aged 34 commented that “friends my age all have children and it has become hard for them to do anything without having a babysitter and planning it weeks in advance. It’s not something that I would consider, to the stage where my partner got a vasectomy since neither of us want children in our future.” With an already packed lifestyle, it leaves little to no space for added responsibilities. There have been times where those without children have felt excluded as they don’t always get invited to events or left out of conversations.


Even with modern medicine and technology, women tend to fear the actual physical toll that a pregnancy would have. “I cannot deal with the idea of something inside me or the pain of birth”, an honest statement that was given while collecting young women’s’ views and opinions. Fear has become an increasing factor, with women worrying about complications during birth and the possibility of something going wrong.


Women who make decisions that they do not want kids are confident with their choice and it is the society who struggles to accept the decision that was made. Whether those questioning the choice look at it from a cultural, ‘old fashioned’ or political way, it should be respected and not questioned. The reason for not wanting children could be a sensitive one that does not wish to be discussed.  


Even though this article used thorough research of reasons why women are opting out of starting a family, quite frankly, there does not need to be a reason for not wanting a kids at all. The statement of “I do not want children” should be enough and not consistently questioned and judged by todays’ society as the standards around becoming a mother and raising a child have become too much for our generation to consider.

21 y/o Magazine Journalism student from Derby.

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