Kelsea Ballerini Sent Chase Stokes A Drunk DM At 1:30 AM And Built A Relationship Worth Fighting For

At 1:30 in the morning on December 1, 2022, Kelsea Ballerini made a decision that would change her life. Drunk at a bar with friends, fresh out of a five-year marriage, she opened Instagram and sent three words to a stranger: "hiii chase stokes."

Two hours later, Chase Stokes, the Outer Banks actor she'd never met, replied: "Hey there how u doin."

Three years, one breakup, three months of separation, public heartbreak, blocking each other on social media, and countless headlines later, they're back together. On New Year's Eve 2025, they announced their reconciliation with matching sunset photos and captions about believing in love, breaking patterns, and taking accountability.

Their story isn't about soulmates destined to be together. It's about something more valuable: two people who started messy, fell in love imperfectly, broke up badly, and chose to come back and do the hard work anyway. That drunk DM at 1:30 AM didn't guarantee anything. What came after is what made it matter.

The Courage of the Imperfect Beginning

There's something revolutionary about Kelsea's decision to send that DM. She wasn't sober, strategic, or perfectly composed. She didn't craft the ideal opening line or wait for the right moment. She was drunk at a bar, saw someone she thought was cute, and just went for it.

"I've never really dated. I don't know how it works," she admitted on Call Her Daddy in 2023. After being married from age 22 to 27, she had no template for modern dating. She'd never been on Tinder. She'd never slid into someone's DMs. She'd certainly never done it drunk at 1:30 in the morning.

But her manager had mentioned Chase was cute. She knew vaguely who he was from Outer Banks, though she'd never watched the show. They followed each other on Instagram. And instead of overthinking it, she just "swung through right on it."

The DM itself was charmingly awkward. "hiii chase stokes" with three i's and his full name, like she was addressing a formal letter. When he responded two hours later, she wrote back: "I'm kels, nice to meet you" with a smiley face emoji. It was sweet, slightly nervous, and completely authentic.

This is what most relationship advice gets wrong. We're told to play it cool, wait three days, never text first, maintain mystery. Kelsea did none of that. She texted first, she texted drunk, she was obvious about her interest, and she used way too many i's. And it worked precisely because it was genuine.

Chase later told the story of their first in-person meeting on January 7, 2023. He picked her up, hopped out of his Bronco, and without saying a word, grabbed her face and kissed her. Then he pulled back and said: "Thank God you're real."

That's not a line. That's not smooth. That's someone who'd been texting with a woman for over a month and was genuinely worried she might not be as wonderful in person as she seemed over DM. His relief was palpable, his vulnerability immediate.

From the very beginning, their relationship was built on showing up as they actually were, not as they thought they should be. Messy starts don't doom relationships. Pretending to be perfect does.

What Actually Makes Relationships Work

The drunk DM makes for a great story, but what happened next is what actually matters. After that first kiss, they didn't just fall into perfect romance. They built something deliberately, with intention and honesty that most couples avoid.

By August 2023, Kelsea posted a TikTok showing herself preparing for their first official date. In the video, she talks to herself in the mirror, visibly nervous: "Here's the look, with the boots. We've got the hair clip, because we're trying to be a cool girl. He's picking me up and we're going to a sushi place and I'll call you tomorrow for a full update."

She takes a deep breath and gives herself a pep talk: "I can do this. I can do this. It's just a date. You just go and you just eat food and you talk about things that you do, OK?"

That vulnerability, that willingness to show the scared parts alongside the confident parts, defined their relationship from day one. On Call Her Daddy, Kelsea talked about how different sex was with Chase compared to her previous experience: "My experience with it was very performative and for the other person. It don't be like that anymore."

She explained that she finally understood how sex could be "a real connector in a relationship" rather than something performative you do because you're supposed to. "I always thought that it was just something that you did because that's who you do it with. Now I realize it's a connector for people."

This is what good relationships actually look like. Not perfect chemistry and effortless compatibility, but conscious choice to show up authentically. To say the vulnerable thing. To admit when you're scared or uncertain. To let someone see the parts of you that aren't cute or cool or Instagram-ready.

In May 2025, Kelsea told TODAY that she and Chase had set a goal at the beginning of the year to make each other "hotter, funnier, and more ambitious." That's not soulmate talk. That's partnership talk. It's two people deciding they want to actively invest in each other's growth rather than just passively enjoying each other's company.

When Love Isn't Enough

By September 2025, after nearly three years together, they broke up. Kelsea's rep confirmed it to E! News on September 14. The split appeared to be messy, painful, and very public despite both of them trying to keep it private.

What's striking is how much they clearly still loved each other. Two days before the breakup was confirmed, Chase posted a sweet birthday tribute to Kelsea: "Although you keep saying you're not excited for 32, I'd say I'm lookin' forward to more of this. Happy birthday my love."

This is crucial to understand: they didn't break up because they stopped loving each other. They broke up because love alone doesn't fix incompatible patterns. Love doesn't automatically create the skills needed for healthy communication. Love doesn't prevent you from hurting each other even when you don't want to.

By November, things had gotten worse. Chase posted cryptic messages on his Instagram Story: "Don't believe the media. I'm blocked, I did nothing wrong. Sorry. I tried." He added: "I'm sorry for those who believed in us. It is what it is. Onwards and upwards."

Kelsea, meanwhile, was setting firm boundaries. On TikTok, she pleaded: "CC: speculators, 'sources', and hidden cameras outside the hair salon. Let us be. Please." On her Instagram, she wrote: "If i had one favor, it would be honoring that im trying to make my personal life personal for now. Unless it comes from me, its not from me. and that is really important in protecting my peace right now."

She was transparent about struggling. In October, she posted photos captioned: "Brought to you by hot dogs, porch painting, bed by 9pm, friendship, parks, Kenny Chesney, and lexapro." The casual mention of Lexapro, an anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medication, showed she wasn't hiding that breakups hurt even when you know they're necessary.

This is what mature heartbreak looks like. Not pretending you're fine. Not trash-talking your ex. Not performing for social media. Just being honest that you're doing the work to heal while setting boundaries around your privacy.

The Decision to Try Again

Somewhere between September and November, something shifted. Videos emerged of them dancing together to ABBA's "Dancing Queen" in Dubrovnik, Croatia, where Chase was filming the final season of Outer Banks. Kelsea was spotted FaceTiming him from a race track. They were seen together but weren't announcing anything.

Then on New Year's Eve, they made it official. Kelsea posted a silhouette of them embracing at sunset with a caption that explained everything:

"Messy year for the heart, messy year for the outside coming in, messy year for the way it became an out of our hands portrayal of it. But what i'll say, and all i really care to share indefinitely with my personal life anymore, is that i really love love. I believe in it, i believe in him, and i believe in breaking patterns. Now go kiss your person and stop speculating."

Chase posted similar photos with his own reflection: "Something I've learned this year: don't take advantage of the most beautiful things that in 33 years of life are fleeting. Take accountability, learn from mistakes. Lean into love and say it often. 2026, my year of growth, my year of truth. Starting here, starting now. Happy new years."

Read those captions again. There's no fairy tale language about being meant to be. There's no claim that love conquers all. Instead, there's talk of breaking patterns, taking accountability, learning from mistakes, and recognizing that beautiful things are fleeting if you don't actively protect them.

This is what reconciliation actually requires. Not just missing each other or deciding love is enough. But both people doing the internal work to understand what went wrong, taking responsibility for their part, and committing to showing up differently.

What We Can Learn About Modern Love

The Kelsea and Chase story matters because it challenges every toxic narrative we have about relationships. Let's break down what they're actually modeling:

Messy beginnings are fine. That drunk DM at 1:30 AM didn't doom anything. Starting imperfectly doesn't predict failure. What matters is what you build after the initial spark.

Vulnerability is strength, not weakness. Kelsea posted videos of herself nervous before dates. She talked openly about relearning what healthy sex looks like. Chase kissed her without words because he was so relieved she was real. These moments of realness are what created connection.

Love is not enough. They loved each other in September. They broke up anyway. Love doesn't solve incompatible patterns or poor communication skills. It's necessary but not sufficient.

Breakups don't have to mean failure. They broke up, worked on themselves separately, and came back better. Sometimes breaking up is part of the process of learning how to be in healthy relationships.

Accountability is mandatory. Chase's caption specifically mentions taking accountability and learning from mistakes. Someone (or both of them) did something wrong. They owned it. That's how you move forward.

Privacy is a boundary you're allowed to set. Kelsea was firm: unless it comes from me, it's not from me. Stop speculating. Even public figures can and should protect their private lives from public consumption.

Patterns can be broken. This is perhaps the most important part of Kelsea's caption. She didn't say they were destined to be together. She said she believes in breaking patterns. That's active, not passive. That's work, not fate.

This Is What Grown-Up Love Looks Like

I've watched countless celebrity relationships play out in public, and most follow predictable scripts. The whirlwind romance. The perfect Instagram photos. The dramatic breakup. The moving on to someone new. Rarely do we see what Kelsea and Chase are showing us: the messy reality of two people trying to build something real.

What strikes me most is their willingness to be honest about imperfection. That drunk DM could have been embarrassing. They chose to share it and laugh about it. The breakup could have stayed behind closed doors with PR-friendly statements. Instead, Kelsea talked about taking Lexapro and Chase posted about being blocked and doing nothing wrong.

The reconciliation could have been framed as "we realized we're soulmates" or "we can't live without each other." Instead, they talked about breaking patterns and taking accountability. That's so much more valuable than any soulmate narrative because it's actually actionable.

I'm tired of relationship advice that pretends love is magic and compatibility is destiny. Kelsea and Chase are modeling something different: love is a choice you make repeatedly, and compatibility is something you build through honest communication and willingness to grow.

The drunk DM is a great story. But what makes it meaningful is everything that came after. The vulnerability. The breakup. The work. The choice to try again armed with more self-awareness and accountability. That's the part worth learning from.

The Uncomfortable Truth About Second Chances

Here's what nobody wants to admit: most relationships that end should stay ended. Not because the people were bad or the love wasn't real, but because the patterns that caused the breakup don't usually change without serious individual work.

Kelsea and Chase spent three months apart. That's significant. It's long enough to miss someone while also long enough to get perspective on what actually went wrong. Research on breakup recovery suggests that three months is right at the edge of where nostalgia starts to fade and reality sets in.

They didn't immediately reconcile. They blocked each other. Chase posted publicly about being blocked. That's not the behavior of people who had a mature, mutual decision to take space. That's the behavior of people who were genuinely hurt and needed distance.

What changed? The captions suggest they both did internal work. Chase specifically mentions taking accountability and learning from mistakes. Kelsea talks about breaking patterns. These aren't vague platitudes. These are specific references to doing the hard work of examining your own behavior and committing to change.

The question isn't whether they love each other. They clearly always did. The question is whether the three months apart was enough time for both of them to develop the skills and awareness needed to show up differently. Time will tell.

Why the Drunk DM Still Matters

In a culture obsessed with perfection, that drunk DM at 1:30 AM is revolutionary. It says you don't have to have your life together to start something beautiful. You don't have to be healed from all past relationships. You don't have to know exactly what you're doing or have a perfect strategy.

Sometimes you just have to see someone who seems interesting and send three words: "hiii chase stokes."

What happens next depends not on that moment of courage but on all the moments after. The choice to be vulnerable. The willingness to do the work. The honesty about when it's not working. The courage to walk away when necessary. And the wisdom to come back when both people have grown enough to show up differently.

Kelsea's advice for sliding into someone's DMs is perfect: "You just have to shoot your shot, because I think the worst thing that can happen is it doesn't work out, and that means it's not meant to be. But you're coming from a place of empowerment. No harm, no foul. Shoot your shot. Send the DM, send the text."

She added with a laugh: "Not to your ex, though. Get off your phone. Put it down."

Except here's the thing: she did eventually go back to her ex. Not immediately. Not impulsively. But after three months of work and growth and boundary-setting. After learning that love isn't enough and patterns must be broken and accountability is non-negotiable.

That drunk DM started something, but it didn't guarantee anything. What makes their story worth paying attention to isn't that they fell in love. It's that they fell apart, did the work, and chose to try again with more wisdom and less certainty about fairy tales.

The drunk DM at 1:30 AM was brave. But coming back together after a public breakup, blocked on social media, with the whole world watching and speculating? That required a different kind of courage entirely.

What This Means for the Rest of Us

Most of us aren't celebrities navigating breakups in public. But we've all sent the risky text. We've all wondered if we should try again with someone who hurt us. We've all struggled with the gap between loving someone and being good together.

Kelsea and Chase's story offers a different template than the one pop culture usually sells. It says that imperfect beginnings are fine. That breakups don't always mean failure. That coming back together is possible but only if both people do genuine internal work. That love is necessary but not sufficient. That patterns must be actively broken, not passively hoped away.

The fairy tale version of their story is: they sent a drunk DM, fell in love, and lived happily ever after. That version is useless as advice because it's based on luck and chemistry.

The real version is: they sent a drunk DM, built something through vulnerability and honesty, discovered love wasn't enough to overcome their patterns, broke up badly, spent three months working on themselves, and chose to try again with more accountability and awareness. That version is useful because it's based on choice and growth.

Whether they make it long-term remains to be seen. The reconciliation just happened. The real test will be whether the patterns they talked about breaking actually stay broken. Whether the accountability Chase mentioned translates to different behavior. Whether the growth they both needed actually occurred.

But regardless of what happens next, their story has already demonstrated something valuable: love that's worth fighting for isn't perfect love. It's love where both people are willing to fight with themselves first, do the work to become better partners, and choose each other again from a more evolved place.

That drunk DM at 1:30 AM didn't create a fairy tale. It created an opportunity. What they built with that opportunity, broke, and are now rebuilding is the real story. And it's messier, harder, and far more useful than any fairy tale could ever be.

Related Reads: Kelsea Ballerini And Chase Stokes Prove That Breaking Your Own Patterns Matters More Than Finding Your Soulmate