Living With Crippling Social Anxiety, More Than Shyness

  written by Tyler Jakeway                                                                                  April 11, 2021 7:18 pm

It's mind bending to think that people dismiss social anxiety as just being shy we all know that one schoolmate that keeps to themselves and doesn't talk very much that person could very well suffer from social phobia. We've all felt nervous before a job interview or giving a speech in front of others, which is natural, but social anxiety disorder is another breed that can make someones life misery every time your eyes meet another persons gaze.

• what is Social anxiety?

Social Anxiety Disorder(SAD) is just that sad, SAD is an anxiety disorder that is characterized by a fear of social interaction it can be fear in any situation or it can be triggered by specific social situations like giving a presentation or eating or drinking when others are watching you. In the DSM-5 SAD is described as an irrational fear of embarrassment, self consciousness and negative evaluation by others where as shyness is a lack of comfort or awkwardness caused by low self-esteem.

• Symptoms of SAD

Social anxiety disorder can make everyday social situations feel like torture and can make even trivial things seem like a car is speeding toward you, most people with SAD have such uncomfortable physical symptoms that cause them to avoid situations where they may be judged by others and they feel its out of their control these physical symptoms are as follows:

• Blushing, Sweating, Trembling, Shaky voice, rapid heart rate, or feeling like their mind went blank and slowed thinking.
• nausea, flushing feeling, shortness of breath, trouble keeping eye contact. 
• avoidance, self sabotage, trouble concentrating and learning new things due to being preoccupied with the fear.

So, as you can see SAD can make life difficult to get important aspects of life accomplished since the fear leads the individual to avoid interactions that provoke anxiety or they sit through the interaction with a colossal amount of stress and discomfort.

• What it affects, what the thoughts look like, and how to treat SAD

 There are many aspects of life SAD dismantles when it finally rears its teeth, and it cripples your self image and confidence in yourself. SAD effects the very nature of human needs causing the sufferer infinite suffering being afraid of a fundamental instinct to connect with others is a disaster for well being it can rob you of relationships(romantic/non romantic), employment, health and wellness, fulfillment, enjoyment,  meaning in life, schooling, among others. 

What makes SAD so crippling besides the physical symptoms is the pattern of negative internal dialogue that happens with self doubt some thoughts someone with SAD are:

• "They're gonna think i'm boring or uninteresting"
• "If i say that to them they are gonna laugh at me and i will embarrass myself"
• "What is this person thinking about me, i know that he picked up on my mistake and now he is judging me"
• "They are gonna notice my flaws and are going to judge me and ill be embarrassed and i'm scared of being humiliated"

  As you can see this is more than just having a lack of comfort around strangers and new situations like shyness SAD starts to control your life like you are a puppet and wont give up the strings without a battle, which leads me into my next part of this article...

 The prognosis for SAD is very hopeful for those who seek treatment through CBT(Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) 85% of people were able to drastically improve with only CBT. the purpose of CBT is to identify and reconstruct the negative thought patterns that the person's subconsciously and habitually subject themselves to that in turn creates more intense anxiety. To do this one learns skills to challenge their negative thoughts when they come up. 

Out of 15 million american adults and 6.8% of the population 36% reported experiencing symptoms for 10 years before seeking professional help and there are even more out there that never seek help because of the whole aspect of SAD. 

My experience dealing with SAD and conclusion

I have suffered with SAD for as long as I can remember so I was probably born with it. Saying it is a nightmare in the waking world wouldn't do it any justice it has made my life total chaos and constant self judgement to the point that i avoid any social situation that is somewhat optional if i can, which has crushed my self worth into the ground. 

When I was in school I always felt not quite adequate around anybody else and I was even too anxious sometimes that i couldn't order my own food at a restaurant that i went to alot and knew the waiters and waitresses well, so i felt so much more comfortable when i was by myself and didn't have to do the things that triggered anxiety. In 7th grade i started getting more mentally overloaded in big classrooms so i could not concentrate or learn any of the stuff being taught cause i just shut down.

I ended up dropping out of high school in 9th grade because i couldn't handle the anxiety of being around even people i knew and became a hermit self medicating to ease the stress, now im 23 years old and have only had 3 or 4 jobs that i didnt make it past the 2 day mark except a work from home job selling kitchen knives but that too didnt last very long and i am having a hard time finding people to be friends with cause i have a few but i hardly ever see them so im pretty much isolated. I am in therapy currently starting the journey to terminate whats keeping me from being happy.

So as you can tell SAD goes way beyond the threshold of shyness due to how many different life categories that it interferes with and how its much more than what it seem from the outside because 98% of the disorder is internalized and is not seen by the outsiders around us because whenever we try to confide in other people about our distress we get met with the infamous "your just being shy" or the " I know how that feels i get nervous too, you just need to quit being so shy."