The road to the perfect relationship is never an easy one. It could take many tries before the right one shows up, or a person could just stay with what they have and not worry about anyone else. Take my personal advice and the right one does come around. 

The  First Struggle

The start of dating is hard and to even get a foot in is almost impossible. There are so many options to find people. There is going to a bar, online, or even in class, but whichever you choose is up to you. 

Finding people and actually talking is also extremely uncomfortable at times. Sometimes finding a topic to say can be really tough, but others can flow easily. When a conversation flows, it makes everything feel less awkward and more personable. 

The online route can make it easier because some sites give you prompts to talk about and start a conversation. The only unnerving part of that is the thought of which one starts a conversation first. 

Both methods have their ups and downs, but once the first move is made, there are even more hurdles to tackle in the world of relationships. Personally, I chose a blend of both methods with varying results. In person seemed nicer, but it always ended in me hurt. The online seems to be working, I am still with my first match after all. 

Listen to Peers

When a relationship starts, always tell friends about it before parents. Friends are always with you and know you better than even your parents. They can always help when something is amiss or they fear something will happen.

The warning signs that people tend to see in people are called 'red flags' which are the main warning signs. If there is a behavior or an action the person you are dating does and upsets you and/or causes harm then that is a red flag. There are other red flags to watch for and usually close friends can easily pick these behaviors out. 

In a relationship the term used is the 'rosy glasses' because you are so engrossed by this person that you cannot see their flaws. That is when friends try to take off those glasses so they can show what that person's true colors are as a warning. This could lead to friends arguing and sides being taken which is always hard to endure. 

The times I wish I listened to my friends and sister are always echoing in my head. You do not realize that someone could cheat, could use you, or to misuse and abuse you. The realization after does not feel the greatest as well because you feel like you lost more than you expected. The more I look back at my life and see what I had done, the more I want to apologize to everyone. There are some who still stuck with me and I appreciate that even more now that I am in a healthy relationship and glad they stuck by me even in the worse of it. 

Hook, Line, and What's Next?

After going through the red flag stage and friends finally giving their approval, what now? The next steps are something both people have to help in because every relationship is a two way street. There are gives and takes in every relationships and communication is a big one. 

Talk to your partner and build on a new found trust to really make the relationship last. It starts off like friends and then grows with time and care into something more. They say your partner is your best friend and that is something to strive for. Trust is a huge component in a relationship and needs to always be sought after. 

Communication has always been the make or break topic for any relationship. Good communication is key for even topics outside or relationships which is something a person should always practice. There have been too many stories of relationships not working out because of the lack of communication, and it does take time to work on. 

I know personally about what communication can do to a relationship if not done right. Things are misheard and/or said and people are hurt. Nothing seems to go right and the sudden feeling of stuck seems to happen. Happiness seems to fade out when the communication stops and the urge to leave grows. It was a hard feeling to experience, but it helped me learn how to better my communication skills and realize it should never be 'just me apologizing' or anything of the sort. 

The Hard Truth

Relationships are never going to be 'easy'. One person I had past relations with kept saying that. They had kept saying 'relationships should be easy, why do you make it so hard?' after I had told that person that I had gotten a new job and finally started to feel good about myself. They started to belittle me and soon just left. I knew they had their own stress but the phrase 'relationships should be easy' is only something a spoiled child would say. Nothing in life is easy and everyone knows that.

Things that are easy in a relationship should be conversations that are shared. Having fun should be easy, but nothing else. People have to work to get to an 'easy' life style, but they take time and effort into making sure that it's possible. There are no free handouts in a relationship, you get what you work for and there are no short cuts. 

Throughout the experiences in my life I learned everything the hard way and the wrong way. I was hurt more time than a person should and I learned from that. I still have my moments where the feelings come back, but now I have a partner that can help me through those insecurities and be a support when I need him. That is all I could ask for and I know I need to work hard so he can rely on me as well. 

Overall

Relationships have a decent amount of give and take as well as ups and downs. There is never a one road that leads to the 'perfect relationship' that people see on media. That type of life takes time and a lot more behind the scenes to achieve. There has never been a moment where it all came naturally to a person, it all took trial and error and possibly more error than trial in more ways than one. 

For those getting into the dating world, good luck to you and learn from my mistakes. Find people you trust and can actually talk to and find the freedom that comes with being in a relationship. Be true to yourself and listen yo your peers when something seems off. There are plenty of people you can reach out to that you would not even realize. Find those people and stay close to them and enjoy the youth of searching. 

As I write this and smile at my keyboard, I just hope people do not make the mistakes I did and learn too. Maybe this will reach you at jus the right time so we do not share similar scars. Here is to the best in all of everyone's endeavors.