A Second Chance

"Hi Tom," a young woman says coming into a room and a tall man with his back turned to her, turns slowly around and greets her with his eyes.

She sits now in front of his coffin. Memory is so small and brief yet meaningful. Why it means so much now, 10 years after the fact that she could not see before?

People were coming in steady now while she took out her old cell phone which surprisedly still turns on and saw an icon of a short video which was not just of her and him but of others too but the video itself was too old to play anyway. Death is hard when you know someone but this grief she felt, she did not completely understand. She knew him but not intimately. 

A stout man came up to her with a bewildering question, " Did you know him?"

"Yes," she said meekly. 

"Well, there be a service for him at the university?" Amanda asked the unknown man. 

"Yes, the university has changed, it is a center now.

She said nothing and just looked at him with a blank face but he walked away.

She did not know if news of his death was taken by people quite drastically as it did to her. Looking at the room that was getting crowded. She wondered since he had many adventures if he would consider himself popular? She went home quickly and was not ready or knew what to do for the outfit that was picked for the next day while thinking of what she should or needed to do next. He was here only briefly, why was he still here now?

She went over to her phone and dialed a number she was not sure would work and hung up as soon as someone received her. The phone rang back and startled her out of her shock. She tried to pick up her phone, it slipped out of her hands and she steady roped in its cord to retrieve her phone call. 

"Uh hell- hello?" she pressed the receiver into her ear. 

"Hello I'm sorry if I missed your previous phone call to Literacy Minds University, this is Teresa May, how can I help you?"

"My name is Amanda and it's been 10 years since I have been at the university...I suppose its a center now ..I was just wondering if it still existed. "  She felt her breath suddenly lost even though she was able to speak. 

"Ah yes, we are still standing." Teresa had chuckled,

"Are you a past employer?" she inquired. Amanda said silently, " Not officially. "

So Natalie paused for a second sensing Amanda's despair and concluded " Shall I put your name down for an appointment for Mr. Mike Turns, our Administrative Assistant? Amanda breathe, "YES"  

"Okay great. I have you signed up. Thanks" 

Amanda felt nervous about the sudden acceptance but yet determined that she must go there. The committee has not ended years ago as they had thought and as if she was somehow a secret to Tom, yet secretly entitled to be there since he had always allowed it. But she decided that she could go still wearing the black fitted dress with a pearl necklace and the Mary Jane shoes that he helped her find and could never see her wear.  

Arriving there she barely saw anyone she had seen before and gone mostly unnoticed as she walked quietly to what was a large conference room that was near a library. She sat down quickly. 

"Oh hello, I am Teresa, Can I help you?" She smiled gleefully.

"My name is Amanda." She quickly looked up and Teresa looked at her curiously, " Do you need help?"

"I was stopping by for a visit to see Mike who is now an administrative assistant."

"Oh well, you should be in the admission office!" Teresa exclaimed. But before Teresa can lift her hand to direct her,  Amanda quickly added, " I am not here looking for a job. I am here to mourn an old employee, Tom Bines."  

"Teresa's face dropped and stared at Amanda incredibly up and down, " Did you know Tom?"

Amanda could feel her voice crack and she nods meekly. 

Teresa's smile disappeared and she inquired, " I do not remember seeing the name Amanda mentioned at his funeral. Amanda said, " No, I was not an official employee here but Mike was here as well as I."  

Teresa smiled slyly back at Amanda and curiously said, " Well everyone who knew him did and so shall you. Before you leave this center, please see me sign the book. She walks away with a slight bow. 

She stared at the walls of the room that looked repainted and it reminded her of how Tom started to paint the house that she now lives in on her own with light colors with fairytale features from different Disney movies that she had liked little by little. All the conversations sounded like hollow-out whispers since she did not notice the conference room suddenly becoming too small from the overflowing of guests. 

"Oh hello there! Did you get a cup of coffee? You must have arrived quite early and missed the outpouring of the rain! My name is.. "

Amanda smiled wryly and said " Ms. Claw. It's me, Amanda." She nearly jumped out of her seat and when she saw an old stout woman with the same perfect short curly white hair and light blue and green dress.

Ms. Claw looked at Amanda with renewed eyes, " Amanda! You look dreadful." She rushes to her a cup of coffee.   

"Mike who she knew immediately enters the room quite nosily as he always does and smelled a bit like beer says absurdly, " A rockstar has died. Yes, he was to die for. He took a large chair and sat in the middle of the room and proceeded towards having a meeting.

"Oh I see we have a visitor. " Mike says taking notice of Amanda sitting quietly in the corner.  Teresa followed soon after. Then a few familiar faces like James Tin, Melody, and the rest of their crew show up and look at Amanda amusedly.   

"He trained the sports team here and there. I wonder why he never got fired but he managed to get the students in order when it came to doing campus events but how about something no one knows?" he paused for a second appearing to be thinking and said aloud " Wasn't he responsible for getting into a dog fight on an old ship and nearly sank it?

Amanda felt her legs clamped together with nerves suddenly shot.

Ms. Claw puts her hands on her waist and said: "You should drink some coffee, Sir."  Mike wiggled in his chair like a worm trying to fit into a hole, " You are here to inquire about a dead employee, Tom Bines and I barely remember you, Ms. Amanda. Yes, he worked for this small company for a while and become a criminal soon after, causing a mutiny on a ship and then trying to it. " 

Mike wiggled in his chairs like a worm trying to fit into a hole, " Yes, he was singing in karaoke and a boy got hurt and a huge fight broke out between him and the captain. We were lucky to be saved. It was not a campus event. This was a private event."

"What are you talking about? We all were there! James said to Mike in disbelief. " The man was mentally ill and was trying to sink the ship.

Amanda's hands clutched her small white purse as tightly as she could. The boy was trying to help Tom and the captain was trying to stop him!

A cup of coffee was given to him by Ms. Claw who put it in his hands as Mike continued, " Tom was trying to take the Captain's job because he thought he was trying to sink the ship." But he dropped it on the floor breaking the cup but he continued as Ms. Claw called for help with the cleaning. " I don't even know how he got the idea that the captain was going to sink a ship." Then Ms. Claw tried to persuade him to leave the room but he refused.

Another man sitting down who was finishing his coffee after eating his bagel said, " Well I hear about him trying to save a ship and after that, he had a baby with some lady and ended up giving the baby away? I had heard he wanted to keep that one. Man, he is dead now." He threw his paper cup away.

Amanda felt naked and Mike turned to look at her and said, " You are looking to look like a ghost over there. What's wrong with you?" She looked at him in silence. 

"It's not true what you say about Tom causing a mutiny of a cruise ship.

"How would you know? I don't remember seeing your face." he huffed

Amanda sat up straight and tried to clear her throat even though her sudden despair clouded her mind," 10 years ago before this center, this was a university -

"I am well aware of this center's history Ms. Newton!"  Mike barked at her.

"However!" Amanda's voice did crack and she swallowed hard while her eyes became lucid. " There was a small Literacy Mind Committee that was run by Tom Bines at the time. while it's must be true that he had other prior engagements, he was often at the committee just looking over campus events. I was not a part of the Literacy Mind Committee officially but was fond of literature and was allowed to attend its services like going to the library and understanding the small paper they have run at the time."

"Tom, he let me attend the books and pursue my own ideas of civil service. I could not write any articles that could be published but he treated me with kindness just by listening to my untrained thought process. At times, I did often find his sense of dark humor to be tasteless but he treated my lack of experience with respect. I considered him to be an authority figure but we soon developed a friendship that soon after surprised me." Amanda said admittedly to herself.

"The cruise that you are referring to was called The 10 lovely sirens. You see, it was a cruise ship that was old but still fully functional and while it was not huge, it was luxurious for a short-term journey. I had heard of the cruise when I was very young and had no idea that being able to ride in it was a possibility. "

"Oh, Tom!" A young and enthused Amanda jumps up and down while talking to Tom. "The 10 lovely sirens! I used to hear about it as a child and see it on the docks when I was in the area with my family just for an outing and now it is going to sail for the last time! I feel a terrible need to go and see it leave port. Or perhaps we shall go Tom" Tom looks at Amanda, his eyes very still, and nods " Very well."  

"Yes, I was there." Amanda's voice suddenly perked up with memory. It was a perfectly sunny and warm day in June where the crowd was a lot bigger than anyone thought. many people anyone who would know about it would either be dead now to see it has left the area or was too young to remember it. I got dressed in my finest outfit. A long ivory dress with short sleeves with a bit of overlay lace and a small hat to go with it. I was a child watching it docked there useless in its slumber and I was determined to see it again as a lady. No one thought the old bell would ring again but I insisted to the captain that it would. So he tried it and its bonk was as loud and majestic as imitating the Big Ben the Londons' big clock.  

The event was not big enough for local news but The 10 Lovely Sirens has a warm sent-off for a day and it was glorious when its bell bonking while it sailed. Tom was attentive to my questions about ships and just followed me around until I started talking to the other passengers but even then, he would not leave my side. By late afternoon, the mood on The 10 Lovely Sirens had changed. It seemed that the crew members seem concerned and started whispering among themselves. I was talking to Tom about wanting to see any star constellations while I was drinking my tea looking at the sky much too early. When I went back to the dining area to return my teacup. I was the one who overhead the one crew member talking to another about the Captain's sudden strange behavior and the bizarre rant he was having with himself while he was seen cutting his own hand with a knife. 

Amanda sat up straight and continued, " I walked rather quickly to find Tom and had told him what I thought I overheard. I had tried to warn the others on the ship but I was not sure if they had taken me seriously but Tom did since he had some understanding of sailing. Then a young crew member who was very young had some idea of what the captain was going to do but he was still young in experience so Tom decided to help him by going to the captain himself." The room got cold and silent as Amanda concluded the story and Mike looked in a daze. 

"Within 3 hours we all felt The 10 Lovely Sirens turn a sudden and violent spin and we held on as we thought it might fall to the side. I was terrified and then everyone could hear a commotion of angry and card mob of people. The same young crewman named Paul gave us all life jackets just in case and thank goodness it was not needed. He led me way back to Tom and while telling me what happened after seeing the captain was detained and locked in a chair so he could not move while Tom took over The 10 Lovely Sirens and sailed us back to port safely." 

Mike drew his chair closer to Amanda and lean back at first " Since you know so much about him.." he leaned forward but Teresa chimed in and asked, " Why did he leave this University?" Mike drew back and watched Teresa with amusement and looked back at Amanda with cocked eyebrows.

Amanda inhaled for a while and exhaled what seemed longer but the room grew still and patient and the temperature was oddly uncomfortably warm. She swallowed hard again," I had watched Tom make some plans for the continuation of the Literacy Minds Committee but I had come to him for some guidance on a public matter that had turned personal which he insisted that he accompanied me on. So he left it to someone else. He went with me to save a old elementary school that was abandoned years ago and was about to be destroyed. He walked with me as I handed out flyers, brochures and made small speeches. He arrange for us to stay in a decent hotel while I prepared our victory march and surpassed my expectations."

"But this victory came in much longer than expected and so we could not stay in the hotel much longer and I did not want to either. I saw this small but beautiful home with shutters and a small backyard that was strangely drawn to particularly at this time since we were not staying home together but I could not walk away from it. So we took it." She got silent for 10 seconds and remembered how hard it was for her to live with him since they were not married, it was merely an act of convenience since this agreement made no sense reasonably. However, Tom made it seem right that there was nowhere else to go at that point. 

Amanda looked out of the crowd and said with hesitation," It was difficult living with Tom because it suddenly occurred to me that he was a man and not just Tom Bines. He seemed responsible but there was a wild side to him that his dark sense of humor always implied. I hardly see him after we lived together in the days after our victory of sustaining the almost destroyed school building that turned in 3 years."

"The doorbell rang at 4 pm at night and I got up to see who it was and it was Tom with 3 women night after night." Amanda had said wearily.

"Don't worry, Amanda, I won't make any noise and I will make sure they won't either," he said with a glint in his eyes. 

Amanda said with her head facing down," Your women, your lovers are eating the meals that I have been making since. Can you take them out to eat instead? I can not make enough for all of us." Tom looked at her and nodded understandingly "Okay." 

"Only rarely in the morning, he would be out in the porch smoking a cigar and drinking a brandy." No coffee Amanda."He would say as he would refuse the cup pointed in his direction and Amanda simply placed it near him. Then he would be off and later that day in the study all night.

"Fall is here almost Tom," Amanda says looking up at the sky holding her sweater tighter every minute. "We need to go to the grocery store and I would like to  get decorations for Halloween." Tom looked at Amanda and said " Okay." So we got in his car and drove. Tom had surprised me with groceries shopping because I never took him for a domestic man but he know what is needed for a home. when I shopped it was for the pleasures of taste and want but he always picked foods or supplies that were needed." Amanda smoothed out her black dress as she shifted her weight in her seat.

"While he was showing me how to cook a turkey and ham for Thanksgiving, I had opened my mouth to ask him a question but quickly held back. " What? Amanda?" Tom prompt her.

Amanda looked at him with her head bent at the slightest. " Tom why, why are you not married? " Tom stood up straight and shakes his head gently, " I'm not a marrying man." Amanda nodded silently.

"Oh don't you do that. We have lived for 3 years together for you not to be informal with me." Tom blocked her way from walking away from him.

"Well if I may say so, Tom, you are a good-looking man and would make any wife happy. Would you want to make children of your own? What's wrong with that? You are not as irresponsible as you say you are." Amanda countered. She looked at him and said," It's a shame really." Tom smiled at her and said nothing.

"But I am no one to judge him, I made my own mistakes as well". Amanda looked down at her feet but then someone else, with a seemly familiar face stated "You loved him." and Amanda shook her head no," I respected him." Amanda closed her eyes and used both of her hands to touch her stomach. She can almost feel her pregnancy again. " Teresa spoke up again eyeing her suspiciously, "So since you know him so well, are you the lady with the baby that he wanted to keep?" 

"The baby was mine." Amanda admitted," Teresa nearly looked justified but Amanda quickly added looking at her, " but it was not his baby, Teresa." Teresa was stunned but she contained her shock.

"It was 3 am in the morning and my contractions were the very grips of death. Tom had called for the doctor because it was too late for me to be moved. Tom had placed himself behind her as she had lied in bed and put her on his lap, rubbing her back and her thighs and placing his cheek near her mouth, "Breathe" 

Then like a terrible shot from the back, she felt a terrible need to push and she pushed long and hard and Tom moved himself in front of her because the doctor was still not there to deliver the baby.

"I can see the top of the baby's head. One more big push and your baby is here Amanda." Tom looked deep into my eyes and mouthed the words slowly, " One more." 

"I was tired and just wanted the baby out. So I pushed and when the baby arrived in Tom's hands, " he looked up at Amanda,  "I know how you felt about the baby but now the baby is gone. He's dead." Amanda looked at her dead son as Tom lifted the dead baby boy to her and she looked at him with a sudden livelihood and said," Let's bury the baby." So Tom got up and wrapped the dead baby in cloth and sat near Amanda and looked at the dead covered baby, " I would have been proud to raise this baby with you Amanda." and left to bury it. 

Teresa still clearly upset asked Amanda with her hand on her hip, " How did he die?"

"In his sleep," she said quietly with her head down. I went over to his bedside because I knew he had official business he had to do The Literacy Minds Committee but he was not up as he usually is so I went to wake him and  Saw that he was gone. I felt my whole body go cold and there was no time. I patted his head saying, " Oh Tom, what has happened?! It is okay, no worries, I understand."

Amanda got up and left the room with their eyes following her. When she got home, she looked at a wall simultaneously painted with a fanatical drawing and cried out in silence tears, when a ghostly Tom appeared and said " Hello Amanda."