Striped Pants

Wearing them felt...like her. 

   It is not say that she didn't know who she was until she put the striped pants on - although that insinuation would not be entirely inaccurate - but rather that once she slipped them on she felt as if she had reached ever closer to her goal of neutrality. The alternating black and white colors raced down the seems of her legs as if they were being chased by bright colors. At the bottom they flared outward just as her moms pants used to look in the picture frames on her bedroom dresser. The waist fit snug, and a quick turnaround look in the mirror confirmed they did not make her bottom look any larger than she intended. Wearing them made her feel just as new as the price tags that still clung to the side of her hip. 

   But there was still something missing. 

She double jumped each step as she descended down the stairs for breakfast. Her father was sure to be well into making his famous Eggs Benedict by now. When she reached the kitchen the smell of poached egg and melted cheese filled her nostrils with unprecedented delight. She cat-walked into the kitchen, prioritizing her new striped pants so her father could see. He neglected to turn around by the time she reached the table and she reluctantly sat down, obscuring her pants underneath the tabletop. 

   "Big day today huh sweetheart?" her father said, still focusing on the meal he was creating in front of him. 

   "Not reeeeaaa-lly." She said, extending the words so that her father would pick up on the fact she was being sarcastic. Her father turned, spatula in hand with a smirk widening across his face. His 'worlds greatest dad' apron was covered in hollandaise sauce. 

   "C'mon now, you know the first day of school is always special. And this year you get to meet new friends and teachers and see a whole new school!" Her fathers enthusiasm did little to conquer her anxiety of attending a new school for her freshman year of high school. All her friends were attending the school she was supposed to go to back in Oklahoma. When she and her dad moved to Oregon this summer she had worried about making new friends when school came around. 

   "Yeah what a riot!!" she sarcastically exclaimed, "but hey dad check these out!" She stood up from underneath the table and showed her father her new striped pants. His expression immediately beamed with excitement, but she knew that was just what fathers do. Anything other than exuberant approval escaped her fathers vocabulary ever since her mother passed away. It was due to this that she struggled to identify her fathers true feelings whenever he spoke with her. His eyes and smile said yes, but what his heart said she was blind to. 

   After breakfast she gathered her book bag and supplies and headed to catch the bus for her first day at Emry High School, but not before her father snapped a quick first day picture by the archway to her front door. When she looked at the image in the camera she saw her father had taken the picture from waist up essentially erasing her new striped pants from her first day of school image. 

   Dejected, she made her way to the bus stop at the end of her neighborhood. When she reached the stop sign there were already two other students standing in the vicinity, neither of whom looked either to start a conversation at 8:15 in the morning. 

   Then a boy came into view from a few streets over, he wore basic Levi blue jeans and a black cotton t-shirt with one individual button on the collar. She looked down at his feet expecting to see boots or running sneakers, instead she saw ten toes poking out of worn down sandals with velcro across the top of his foot. She had never seen a jeans / sandal combination before and was unsure of how she felt about it. When the boy arrived at the bus stop he noticed he had shaggy black hair that covered his eyes, but only because he wanted it too. 

   "Nice sandals" She said before even realizing her mouth was open. She hoped she hadn't sounded insulting, she really did like his attire, it was different... simpler than most boys she saw that were her age. He looked down at his feet for just a moment, and then his gaze wandered over to her black and white striped pants. After a moment his eyes met hers and he smiled. 

   "I like your pants." he said. 

   She blushed and looked down at her pants as the bus came into view. A wave of confidence and warmth rushed over her body. For the first time in a long time she was ready to face anything, she felt good.... she felt like her.