DIY Mishap

Kitchen scissors always seemed like a reliable way to style hair. I quickly learned how wrong I was.

So, I did something...something really, really bad. Something unforgettable-- but not in the good way. Something so horrendously awful that I almost don't want to say it but it's nearly exploding from my painfully-still vocal cords. Looks like I have to confess--

I gave myself a mullet.

But not just any mullet. I gave myself a JOE DIRT mullet. At first, it was okay. I was innocently trying to cut some cute bangs. Pretty soon, I just kept cutting and cutting, obsessed with getting them straight and fixing the outliers and when they finally were straight...well, you know. I looked like Joe Dirt. To be more accurate, I looked like Joe Dirt with a Beetles' style fringe in the front. It looked like hair from the 60's and the 80's got married and had a deranged baby. And it wasn't even-- I had cut more from one side than the other. At first, I didn't think it was so bad. I even had the nerve to walk out in public with an atrocity like that. No problem whatsoever. They were cute short bangs...right? I even got compliments on my uneven hair. Everything was fine. It was going to be okay. Then, I saw my boyfriend...

and he told me the truth--the blaringly obvious truth.

Knowing me, I started freaking the hell out. My blood was racing. I knew I had messed up but I didn't think it was that bad. What was I going to do? Get a pixie cut? No wayyyyyy!!! I was too feminine and attached to my hair for that. Also, my boyfriend pointed out to me, in the most loving and gentle way, that I needed to see a stylist. I had never done that before, but it seemed like a good solution. I had an interview the next day and I was desperate to get my hair fixed. It needed to be done. I couldn't walk around and embarrass myself. While I was going through my internal crisis, my boyfriend was so kind and helpful. He called different hair places and landed me a stylist named Maria at Tony & Guy. Things would be fine. I could rock a pixie cut for awhile and look a little masculine. No problem with that. 

My boyfriend was so kind and supportive. He told me I still looked beautiful, even though I had a goofy haircut. I was still his Doll. Things would be okay. He still loved me...

Of course, after the sequence of events, I had wood to pick up at Home Depot--in public-- as well as my woodshop class before I could make it to my hair appointment. My boyfriend was so great. He helped me pick out the wood at the store and carried it to my class for me.

During class, I was still panicking about the pixie cut. I felt so self conscious about my hair, enough to hide it underneath my hat and creep into the inner depths of my soul where no light ever shown. I kept worrying and worrying, so I distracted myself by asking a lot of questions during the wood shop tutorial. Luckily, my Uber ride eventually got there and I snuck out of class...I used the back way so I could get to my ride without having to provide an explanation to my teacher. That would be...rough.

Speaking of rides, I HATE Ubers. They make me so uncomfortable. Getting into a car with a strange driver that I don't know... well that sounds like a recipe for disaster. My boyfriend was so sweet to talk to me the whole ride to make sure I was safe. I don't think any man had ever cared so much for me in my life. 

Once I got dropped off and found my way to the salon, I waited briefly and my stylist Maria came to greet me. I was hiding my hair under a hat. Nobody wants to walk around looking like Paul McCartney's long lost, mullet-wearing granddaughter. When I took my hat off, I was afraid what Maria would think. Was she going to judge me? Would she laugh? Or look at me funny? To my surprise, when my hair was unveiled, she didn't even giggle. I was shocked. How could someone not be phased by this horrendous new cut?

Maria and I were deciding whether we could avoid a pixie cut or not. This was the last resort. I wanted to have as much hair as possible. The pixie cut seemed like my only option until I thought of a bob. We worked with that idea. Maria was so nice to me, and we both enjoyed talking to each other so it was a great experience. The bob turned out cute, and with some curls it looked quirky and cute, just like me!

When I left the hair salon, I sent my boyfriend a picture and gave him a call. He told me my hair looked cute and it was priceless to know that he liked it. After all, I would feel sorry for him if he had to go on dates with Miss Joe Dirt. Although the bob did make my hair look triangular and Maria kind of got "Velma vibes", the new style was still better than the Beetles' hair cut with a mullet added to the back.

The next morning I decided I needed to get hair products from CVS to style my hair. If you've ever been to Tempe, you know there's some wacky people walking the street. You will see the strangest variety of people in a ten minute walk. People in Tempe never fail to interest me. Well, on my walk there, a homeless man was watching a video and laughing at his phone. Get this, he shouted "Hello!" to me and then added, "Nice hair cut!" This was followed by more chaotic laughter. I wasn't sure whether he was actually complimenting me or making fun of me. And just think about it. If a homeless guy thought I looked bad...well that's a new low...Then again, he could just be crazy, and in that case...I don't know. I will never know what that homeless guy really thought.

After a CVS run, I curled my hair, and dare I say it-- those locks looked beautiful. With a little mouse and product on the bangs, I looked adorable. Add a headband, and that's a look.

The Culprit

A few pointers for the DIY hair stylists out there with no experience, based on my debacle:

  1. Be careful! Be careful! Be careful!
  2. Do not take off too much!
  3. If you have to shave the sides, it's too much.
  4. Crooked and long is always better than too short. You can always redeem too long.
  5. Never do something super wild without thinking about it first.
  6. Remember, this is because of you...good or bad.
  7. When you run into a problem, STOP! (You need help at this point.)
  8. There are always solutions, (even though it might mean shaving your head).
  9. Sometimes it's worth it to give up your pride and admit you made a mistake.
  10. Skip the kitchen scissors and get a stylist.
Hello! I love to write, create, and make things that are beautiful and sometimes outspoken, carrying unique creativity to solve problems.

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