How To Not Lose Motivation In Life, Love, And The Pursuit Of Joy

Life does not always go the way we want, but that's okay so long as you keep at it

At some point in our lives, we are hit with the realization that all the time and energy invested in a relationship will not always produce what we want. Even when we try our hardest to appeal to others, we all face rejection at some point in our lives. From friends to ex-friends, to breakups, it is a daily occurrence for many.

do not lose motivation in love
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With that in mind, it is easy for one to become discouraged from their pursuits because of one rejection. When an individual is trying their hardest to form bonds and their efforts prove fruitless, it seems curling up into a ball and hiding under the bedsheets is the best course of action. Only thing is, there are other options.

Here are 9 ways to gain and maintain healthy relationships:

1. Be open and accepting of the faults in others

When it comes to getting what one wants from a relationship, there is a lot to take into consideration. For starters, you have to ask yourself if what you are bringing to the table is good enough for your potential friend or romantic interest. Then, take those preconceived expectations and chuck them out the window. Even if what you think you have is not good enough, there's no guarantee the one(s) you seek won't accept you.

The idea that one has to be a mirror image, enjoying all the same satire and hobbies, of those they wish to be around is creepy, as it makes the individual seem like a twin lacking any sort of individual characteristics. While it's good to have similar interests, it also doesn't hurt to express one's self in the relationship.

It's okay if you like pineapple on pizza or you enjoyed the last season of Game of Thrones. A sympathetic friend or romantic partner will understand things like that, even if they don't agree with them, which goes to show just how benevolent they are.

The flaws shared between individuals give both sides of any relationship the confidence to accept and build upon one's self thanks to encouragement from others.

2. Be open to opinions, but don't be deterred by them

The key to any relationship is to not let yourself get bogged down by horror stories from others in a similar demographic. As with seeking a job, the hurdles one has to overcome to achieve lifelong bonds can be daunting when viewed from an outside perspective.

While it is essential to know what actions should not be taken when looking to make new friends, one should not allow themselves to become discouraged from the challenges ahead. If someone is discouraged from seeking friendship out of fear of rejection, then what's the point of even having that goal in mind?

As with writing a book, if one does not have the opinions of a third party to fall back on, then it can be hard to figure out if someone else is worth your time. If the time spent with someone who others have a negative opinion of doesn't feel right, then it probably isn't worth hanging around them.

Red flags, such as being made picked on for liking a particular anime with an intriguing art style, or being physically thrown out of the room because you keep whooping someone in Smash Bros. (actual experiences I've had with toxic people), are signs that maybe this person isn't worth being around, since they can't acknowledge or aren't willing to clean their toxic behaviors.

Behaviors such as the aforementioned examples don't always present themselves right away, so when they finally do appear, it puts a great deal of stress on a person, making them believe they were betrayed by someone they thought was their friend, one who they thought was genuinely looking out for them. As soon as those indicators are apparent, it would be best to amscray.

Now that doesn't mean one should be ashamed for spending time with that person. Instead of moping over what has already occurred, the individual should own up to that mistake and learn from it when seeking friends later in life.

3. Fall back on those you know will catch you

Friends can be handy in overcoming the sadness associated with a failed pursuit. They can share their knowledge regarding a similar experience, and together, you can exchange wisdom and expand each others' minds. Having friends is great when trying to expand one's circle.

If you or someone you know is seeking a career, for example, it helps to have individuals who have experiences in such pursuits so that they can give you clarity on the proper steps to take.

And even when the steps taken lead you down a rabbit hole, like potentially being scammed on a job site for thinking you found your ideal career path thanks to the recommendation of a friend, it's good to consider that that was most likely unintentional (another past experience of mine).

Communication allows these individuals to work through any errors in translation, in the hopes of obtaining an understanding of each other's ultimate goals and overcoming current challenges.

There will always be difficulties ahead in life, and even when one has to go in alone, it helps to have a group of individuals who won't just abandon that individual or each other in times of distress.

4. Acknowledge incompatibility 

When someone has become fed up with the world, they tend to be stressed out, and that stress can carry over into their personal lives. As a result, the individual might find themselves struggling, so they may seek new and inquisitive individuals for advice. Only thing is, those who hold the wisdom aren't always the best individuals for real-life advice-giving.

That could be so because the person you go to for advice doesn't know enough about you, or because your individual personalities aren't in sync. As a result, some relationships are an impossibility. Not because that other person isn't friendship material, they just have characteristics that make getting along with them difficult.

Whether it be politics, religion, or the socioeconomic differences between varying ethnic groups, the way an individual's mind flows on such topics could prove to be rough waters for some.

Even when the going gets tough, and the need for speaking with others comes into play, there will be those who wish they could help but can't because of miscellaneous factors. This is why it's good to rely on only the most trustworthy among one's inner circle.

5. Consider your place in the minds of others

Though it is impossible to look inside someone's head to figure out what they're thinking, it can prove beneficial to consider what you think their ideal version of you is, by putting yourself in their shoes, or hat.

When it comes to the strongest relationships, it takes mutual consensus to realize that this person, this other who I want to acknowledge for the rest of my days, is someone who I get along with, and I know they see me the same way.

To put it simply, when two people are in sync mentally and emotionally, that is the smoking gun that your friendship or romantic pursuit will last a lifetime. At that point, trust has been replaced by unwavering association (that's how a good friend of mine and myself know our friendship with one another).

In order for individuals to get along with one another, there has to be an understanding that the other person is someone worth spending time with. If that is true, then everlasting attachment will follow.

6. Ask not what friends can do for you

Every so often, there will be those who choose to stick around others for personal gains, as a lamprey, sucking the life from a shark. There are those who will mooch off others for their own benefit, then there are those who will give back just as much if not more.

When it comes to socialization, you will find that surprises can occur when you'd least expect them, even during conversations.

After graduation, a friend of yours could be seeking employment, but they have nothing to go on, even for a retail service job. If you just so happen to be working somewhere looking for new hires, bring that up and you could offer a recommendation to your boss (a similar situation that occurred with me and a friend).

Thanks in part to that little deed, your friend can now be on his/her way towards greater things, because they managed to make money they'll need for future expenses. 

This is a classic "one door opens another," type situation, which just goes to show that even when one asks for nothing in return, the simplest of gestures can benefit both sides of any relationship.

7. Don't poopoo the relationships you already have

In this fast-moving world, a lot of things can be considered disposable, which includes the very interactions shared between those who see each other as friends.

Going back to the idea of giving just as much as taking, there could be occurrences where the individual(s) you decided to cut ties with because you didn't think the relationship would go anywhere is a big mistake.

Say you worked somewhere with a lousy boss, who, despite the credentials you had when first starting out, decided to treat you like rubbish because you didn't put sugar in their coffee.

Even if that person is a jerk, that may not correlate with how they see you as a competent and reliable worker. 

As a matter of fact, that person could have given you a great letter of recommendation had you just swallowed your bitter feelings towards them and asked.

My dad always says that even if someone treats you like trash, that doesn't mean you should cut them out of your life completely, since they could be your gateway to future opportunities, provided you have a good work ethic.

Bosses like the aforementioned example are people that only appear once in life, and when one flies the coop, it is unlikely that person will ever be seen again. This is why it helps to not burn bridges, at least not too suddenly.

8. Don't hang on to grudges

Whenever something doesn't go as desired, it is often a natural reaction to hold onto negativity towards one person or group, as if that'll ease the heartache. Those who hold onto such feelings have a big storm coming.

There is nothing to be gained from taking a grudge and wearing it like a badge of honor. Doing so will only make an individual look sinister and unforgiving towards passersby. I know from experience.

Back in my school days, I wrote for a paper firm, which I really enjoyed. However, what ultimately brought my end to that endeavor was the resentment I formed towards those who ran the press. I could not endure them for the life of me, and on one occasion I ended up snapping and calling out the offender for their lack of sympathy towards me and my dumb problems.

I was promptly kicked out of the club, and I emanated so much bad energy that one could choke on it. For a while, I thought I was in the right doing what I did until I came to the realization that those people weren't individuals I could expect sympathy from.

One should not expect anyone except friends and family to acknowledge their feelings towards a particular group of people because peers and coworkers are more concerned with what's going on in their own lives. 

Although regret can form later in life from such actions, what matters more than letting regret over imaginary problems weigh someone down is to release those shackles and carry on in the hopes of a better future. 

9. Do NOT isolate yourself

It is easy to become discouraged because of one missed opportunity, or one slip up that causes great emotional pain, but that's alright, so long as you have the willpower to pick yourself up and keep going. What's not okay is extricating oneself self for prolonged periods.

Even when life has failed you, and anyone you try to form bonds with shuns you out of fear of being dragged down a downward spiral, it's not healthy to just give up all hope of having friends.

Back in primary school, I was the black sheep amongst my peers, because I had a higher than average voice, and I also had a habit of running my mouth when it wasn't necessary.

What didn't help in this instance is that the school I attended only had about 90 kids in each grade, and in my case, most of the same individuals I grew up alongside wouldn't set aside their perceptions of me and chose to spread rumors like peanut butter as far as the corridor could stretch.

You might think that people would mature and let go of their perceptions of those they considered bothersome or annoying in the past, but some are not quite so forgiving.

Likewise, from all the years I experienced not making many friends, I formed a shell, sitting by myself at study halls and in the cafeteria, because I was alone and I chose to be out of fear of producing an even worse image of myself.

To this day, though my social behavior and status have improved, I still struggle from time to time when it comes to meeting new people, which didn't help much in college, but I digress.

Choosing to be alone rather than taking a gamble in relationships hurts in the long run, as it hinders any chance of self-improvement, as well as missing out on great bonds down the line. 

. . .

The relationships made with others are what allow individuals to improve, but in order to avoid social ineptitude, it helps to take a step back and consider the very reasoning behind such interactions.

I'm just the average bear trying to find his place among other aspiring writers. Also please consider following me on Twitter @good_wickham

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