Daydreaming To Avoid The Loneliness Of Reality

I've spent hours on hours dreaming of a life where I had everything I ever wanted only to snap back into reality to realize I have none of that.

Malari Nizamuddin

stories · 4 min

How maladaptive dreaming can dangerous — Photo Source: *Pexels*

Ever since I was 11 or 12 years old I remember spending way too much dreaming of a "perfect" life in hopes that one day maybe, just maybe it would become real. Not to spoil an ending but to this day that life I dreamt of still doesn't exist.

Turns out excessive amounts of daydreaming is a form of escapism and this daydreaming has a name, it's called maladaptive daydreaming.

Maladaptive daydreaming (MD) is extensive fantasy activity that replaces human interaction and interferes with academic, interpersonal, or vocational functioning.

All these years it had never occurred to me that how damaging and all-consuming constant daydreaming is, but it is even if you're unable to recognize it.

Here is a video about someone who deals with maladaptive daydreaming who goes into more details about it -

Here are the symptoms of maladaptively daydreaming:

1. Extremely vivid daydreams

You may mistake your daydreams for reality, they can be so vivid to the point of there being characters with their own storylines and there being a whole plot to the story with them.

2. Daydreams triggered by real-life events

Your daydreams can be triggered by everyday things, like something you see or hear that may be seemingly ordinary but they cause you to start daydreaming.

3. Difficulty completing everyday tasks

Your daydreams can become so all-consuming that you don't do the everyday things you need to do, you'd rather keep daydreaming instead.

4. Difficulty to sleep at night

You may find it difficult to fall asleep at night because of the want/need to daydream. To you, it may be more comforting to control what happens in your dreams than to fall asleep where you cannot control what happens.

5. An overwhelming desire to continue daydreaming

Daydreaming may be how you spend the majority of your days because doing anything other than daydreaming may feel unbearable. You may also become irritated if someone interrupts you while daydreaming.

The thing is the older I got I thought I'd grow out of the need to escape reality, but I still haven't. I'm unable to control when I start daydreaming it gets triggered so easily, whether it be something that's said or something I see can make me instantly start daydreaming.

Sometimes it can become obsessive to the point where I can only stay in my bed daydreaming becoming untethered to any sort of reality. I can spend days stuck in my daydream and completely ignore everything in my life.

When I started to become more self-aware of how detrimental my need to escape reality I had to ask myself why. What am I running away from? What am I trying to avoid feeling?

It's taken months for me to be able to finally be honest with myself as to why I feel the need to escape my own reality. It's quite simple, real-life isn't the cookie-cutter life I spend hours dreaming it could be. Real-life is messy, hard, unbearable, and it sinks its teeth into me leaving me immobile and unable to breathe sometimes.

When I daydream I can control who I am and what happens to me, but once I snap back into reality all of that artificial control goes right out the window. I'm thrown back into a world where all I can do is stare blankly into the abyss watching everything fall apart.

A few months ago I had a big falling out with someone I really thought I cared about and that triggered a lot of daydreaming. Even now months later I still catch myself dreaming about them and all these unrealistic scenarios that likely won't ever happen.

When I daydream about them it always goes one of two ways. Either it's all about how it would be if everything had gone right with us, how happy we could've been. Or I dream about my life where I've healed and completely moved on, but it was all just to spite that person for leaving in hopes that they'll reach out and tell me how they regret losing me.

All of that daydreaming to ignore the fact that they left me and it was my fault. And there's no way to put wrap a bow around to make seem pretty. They got to walk away unscathed and I got to get stuck living in my daydreams to cope with all the trauma they gave me.

All these daydreams bring me more comfort and are a lot kinder to me than they ever were to me and maybe that's why I'll never give them up.

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PositiveEnergyOnly 3y ago

I never considered how daydreaming could be a form of self-protection until reading this.

Freya_Rain 3y ago

The connection between loneliness and excessive daydreaming is something I've experienced firsthand.

NeonCyberX 3y ago

Reading this has made me more aware of my own daydreaming patterns. Time to make some changes.

JacksonEdwards 3y ago

Sometimes I wonder if my daydreams are holding me back from creating the life I actually want.

ParallelHorizon 3y ago

I appreciate how the article explains the scientific term while still keeping it relatable.

CallieB 3y ago

The author's journey toward self-awareness is inspiring. It takes courage to face these patterns.

Colette_Hope 3y ago

It's interesting how we use daydreams to process our emotions and experiences.

Pixar_Lover2002 3y ago

I think acknowledging this behavior is the first step toward finding a healthier balance.

Bollywood_Raja_99 3y ago

The description of daydreams as a security blanket is perfect. They're comforting but can become a crutch.

IndieFilmLover_Jazz 3y ago

I find myself doing this most when I'm feeling stuck or trapped in my current situation.

Chic_Attitude 3y ago

The part about being unable to wrap a bow around reality really hit home. We can't edit real life like we can our daydreams.

VinylCollectorX 3y ago

This helped me understand why I create these elaborate scenarios about people who've left my life.

Phoebe_Starry 3y ago

I've noticed my daydreaming increases when I'm avoiding difficult decisions or conversations.

Talia_Dusk 3y ago

The comparison between controlled daydreams and uncontrollable reality is particularly insightful.

Movie_Buff24 3y ago

I relate to the author's struggle with letting go of daydreams because they're kinder than reality.

Thriving-Lifestyle_42 3y ago

The article made me realize how much time I've lost to these fantasies. It's actually quite scary.

LaurenWhite 3y ago

I wonder if this is more common now with all our digital distractions and social isolation.

BeyondTheStars 3y ago

The description of feeling immobile in real life really resonates. Sometimes reality feels too heavy to handle.

Alexander-Thomas 3y ago

I've started setting timers to limit my daydreaming. It helps me stay more present in reality.

EverleighJ 3y ago

Anyone else feel like their daydreams are more vivid than their actual memories sometimes?

Superman_Fan_1938 3y ago

The part about snapping back to reality is brutal. It's like waking up from a pleasant dream into a nightmare.

MilesBennett 3y ago

I appreciate how the article doesn't completely demonize daydreaming while still addressing its harmful aspects.

QuinnXO 3y ago

The comfort these daydreams provide is undeniable, but at what cost to our real lives?

InfinityGuardian 3y ago

This explains why I have such a hard time focusing on tasks. My mind is always wandering to these elaborate scenarios.

OOTD_Queen_11 3y ago

I find it interesting how we use daydreams to rewrite our personal histories and create better endings.

Manjoo_Musings 3y ago

The description of living in bed lost in daydreams reminds me of my worst periods of depression.

MilenaH 3y ago

I relate to dreaming about healing just to spite someone. It's a form of revenge fantasy that never really satisfies.

Sophia-Grace 4y ago

The vivid nature of these daydreams is what makes them so addictive. They feel so real sometimes.

Mindful_Movement_360 4y ago

I wonder if there's a genetic component to this. My parent seems to daydream excessively too.

OscarNomineeExpert 4y ago

The author's description of using daydreams to cope with trauma really struck a chord with me. It's a powerful coping mechanism.

SkyeX 4y ago

Reading this made me realize how much my daydreaming increased during the pandemic when I was isolated.

Alice_Sunflower 4y ago

The inability to control when daydreaming starts is frustrating. It's like my mind has a mind of its own.

Wardrobe_Fancy_2023 4y ago

I used to think I was the only one who did this. It's comforting to know others experience it too.

Oscar_Speeches_Addict 4y ago

The part about becoming self-aware of the behavior is crucial. You can't address something until you recognize it's a problem.

Poniewozik_Perspective 4y ago

I think therapy could be really helpful for this. It's helped me understand why I escape into daydreams.

Mackenzie 4y ago

The description of daydreams being triggered by real-life events is spot on. Even small things can spark hours of fantasy.

Vivienne_Love 4y ago

I've noticed my daydreaming gets worse when I'm lonely. It's like creating imaginary friends as an adult.

ThrillerBuff2024 4y ago

Does anyone else create entire characters with detailed backstories? Mine feel like real people sometimes.

Style_Haute 4y ago

I think it's brave of the author to share this. It's not something people usually talk about openly.

AList_Celeb_Fanatic_88 4y ago

The control aspect really resonates with me. In my daydreams, I can fix all my mistakes and make better choices.

VandeHei_View 4y ago

I find it interesting that the author started this behavior at 11 or 12. That seems to be a common age for many of us.

ParallelSurfer 4y ago

Sometimes I wonder if social media makes this worse. We're constantly seeing idealized versions of other people's lives.

LeahH 4y ago

The symptom about becoming irritated when interrupted is so true. I get unreasonably angry when someone pulls me out of my daydream.

MovieMarathonChampion 4y ago

It's fascinating how our minds create these detailed alternate realities as a form of self-protection. The human brain is incredible.

AdeleM 4y ago

I never considered how daydreaming could interfere with academic or vocational functioning, but looking back, it definitely affected my college years.

Christopher-Daniel 4y ago

The part about daydreaming about someone who left really touched me. I do this too, creating these perfect scenarios that never happened.

Stella_Wright 4y ago

I appreciate how the article distinguishes between normal daydreaming and maladaptive daydreaming. It's helped me understand where to draw the line.

Glamorous_Days 4y ago

The description of becoming untethered from reality for days at a time is frightening. I've been there and it's like losing chunks of your life.

Bianca_Ray 4y ago

Has anyone successfully reduced their maladaptive daydreaming? I'd love to hear some practical strategies that worked for others.

Williams_Watch 4y ago

The cookie-cutter life versus messy reality comparison really got to me. We're all chasing some idealized version of life that doesn't exist.

Teresa-Hale 4y ago

I'm a mental health professional, and it's important to note that while daydreaming can be maladaptive, it can also be a coping mechanism during difficult times.

CinephileLegend_001 4y ago

What struck me most was how the author described controlling their daydream world versus the chaos of reality. That's exactly why I retreat into my imagination.

GravityDefier 4y ago

I've found that keeping a journal helps me process reality instead of escaping into daydreams. It gives me a healthy outlet for those feelings.

Mindful-Beauty_24 4y ago

Does anyone else feel physically drained after intense daydreaming sessions? Sometimes I feel more tired than if I'd actually done something.

McArdle_Memo 4y ago

The author's honesty about their falling out with someone and the resulting fantasy scenarios is something I deeply relate to.

Joy-Wilkins 4y ago

I'm curious about the connection between trauma and maladaptive daydreaming. My daydreaming definitely increased after some difficult life events.

Chic_Culture 4y ago

Reading this made me realize how much time I waste living in my head instead of engaging with real life. It's scary when you add up all those hours.

Bruni_Blog 4y ago

Actually, I disagree about daydreaming being entirely negative. Many artists and writers channel their daydreams into creative works. It's about finding balance.

SoundtrackCollector_Emily 4y ago

The sleep difficulty symptom really resonates with me. I often lie awake for hours, lost in these elaborate scenarios I've created.

Mila-Cox 4y ago

While I understand the concern about maladaptive daydreaming, I think some level of imagination and fantasy is healthy and necessary for creativity.

BlockbusterFan 4y ago

I struggle with this too, but I've found meditation helps me stay more grounded in reality. Has anyone else tried mindfulness techniques?

Raelynn_Magic 4y ago

The part about daydreams being triggered by everyday things is so accurate. Sometimes just a song or a random conversation can send me into a completely different world.

Chic_Influence 4y ago

This article really hits home. I find myself constantly escaping into elaborate daydreams, especially during stressful times. It's like a security blanket I can't let go of.

Macy-Ellis 4y ago

I never knew there was a term for this. I've been doing this my whole life and thought I was just weird or had an overactive imagination.