10 Secrets To Improving Marriage In The Bedroom!

Find out how to improve your martial sex life and increase intimacy.
just married
just married

Marriage for some individuals is like the “American Dream”, the ultimate lifestyle of “A Happy Marriage”. Oftentimes, that dream turns into the "American Horror Story", if you get my drift. A divorce my friend can certainly be your worst nightmare.

Provided that, no one should stay in an abusive, unloving, and stagnant marriage. It is true; at times, divorce is highly necessary, but if a healthier, deeper relationship can be built on top of mind-blowing sex, why not put forth the effort to stay married.

After all, they once gave you something no one ever has, or you’d still be single, right? 

Changes in the Roles of Marriage

Over the decades, the roles of marriage have changed. Do you remember the times when a wife wasn’t allowed to work? Her main priorities were home and her husband… Those days when women understood what it was to be a nurturer.

Fast forward to today, women are now breadwinners and sole providers. They’ve gained more rights and authority, per se. Women have become less inclined to fully depend on a male companion because of those changes. 

Women have become more independent and dominant as opposed to nurturing and submissive. As a result, the husband and wife are now a part of the daily hustle and bustle of work life. Let’s not forget to mention “children”. Children also require time, attention, and love.

Provided that, there must be time for bonding with your spouse, intimacy, and last but certainly not least soul snatching sex. It is certainly true, that some of our careers, jobs, and or lifestyles may decrease sexual activity in the marriage. Therefore, when it is time for those couples to have sex, it should be most desired, highly pleasurable, and satisfying.

Sex Concerns of Most Women

According to Certified Sex Coach Mavis McKnight, “low or no sexual desire” is the most common sex concern of women. She followed by stating three reasons and solutions for this are: 

1. Relationship Conflicts 

Disagreements within a relationship may disturb the sexual relationship. Arguments lead to frustration changing the oval mood of things. Differences between the two of you can build tension within the relationship.

Also not knowing where you stand in the relationship can cause huge problems and have a bad effect on your sex life.

Solution: Examine your goals, ideas, and vision for your relationship to make sure you are both on the same page.

2. Mental or Physical Fatigue

Fatigue is extreme tiredness from mental or physical exertion or illness. There may be some things out of your control that can lead to stress. Stress can be unhealthy for anyone. It can cause you to completely shut down. Don't overwork yourself, preserve energy for yourself, your spouse, and your family.

Solution: Contact a medical professional for a complete physical to rule out any serious conditions or illness. Then scrape some junk off your plate.

3. Unskilled Partner In Bedroom

At times our sexual partners may not be as sexually experienced as we'd like to be, resulting in sexual dissatisfaction. Some prefer to stay persevered and play it safe.

They are not into trying new things and may be satisfied with basic sex. They may ignore or be closed-minded to your sexual request. Lack of experience can be a major turn-off.

Solution: Teach your spouse new sex skills, however, you must learn them first. 

Marriage Sex-life Statistics

 2018’s General Social Survey provided the sex life statistics of 660 married couples, the survey revealed:

  • 25% had sex once a week.
  • 16% had sex two to three times per week.
  • 5% had sex four or more times per week.
  • 17% had sex once a month.
  • 19% had sex two to three times per month. 
  • 10% hadn’t had sex in the past year.
  • 7% had sex about once or twice in the past year.

In correspondence to the results, which percent tile are you and your spouse in? 

10 Secrets to Improving Marital Sex

What can you do to increase your sex life?  Lack of sex can cause tension, frustration, stress, and even conflict. Your marriage needs sex, after all, it’s the ultimate gift of the union.

Sex is an exchange of energy between you and your spouse. It should aid in deepening the connection between the two of you. So, has the love well become dry?

Has going to the mailbox become more exciting than your sex life? Do you find yourself asking; "What the hell was I attracted to before?" Is there more motion on the TV than in your bedroom?

Here are the secrets to improving marital sex:

1. Learn to Communicate with Your Partner

How do you talk to your spouse? Do you understand their love and body language? Are you engaging in conversations that allow for a deeper connection?

Learn to listen for understanding. Discuss things outside of work, finances, and the children. Flirt with your spouse. Individuals often forget the thrill of flirting. Who cares if you've been married 28 years or 8 days, Ena says “flirt” darn it?

Give each other compliments often. Whether it's verbal or non-verbal, everything starts and ends with communication.

2. Express Your Level of Confidence

Are you confident with yourself within your marriage? Do you feel sexier, more attractive around your spouse? How are you building confidence within one another? We are all human and must coexist with all walks of life. We are all flawed and possess insecurities.

Be sure that you’re not attacking your spouse’s confidence when discussing differences or dislikes. Make suggestions “baby let’s try this”, find common denominators. Women more so than men can be overly self-conscience about their bodies at times.

Be sure to embrace your partner's body. Help them to achieve weight goals, buy your wife some lingerie, and make her feel hotter than your favorite celebrity. 

3. Get Vulnerable with Your Spouse

You cannot be afraid to open up and be open with your spouse. Let your guard down, you should be in one another safe place. What will make you more comfortable opening up to your spouse? Being vulnerable will also build trust. Be vulnerable when expressing your sexual desires, don't fear rejection from your spouse.

4. Be Submissive in the Bedroom

Ladies be gentle, allow for tension to be released. Give him access and control of your body during the sexual engagement. Be open-minded and willing to his sexual requests. Be open to trying it his way at least once, that way, if you don’t like it; you both can find ways for it to be more pleasurable or exclude it from the bedroom entirely. 

5. Say What You Desire

What is your freakiest need? Are you shy or ashamed of it? Tell your partner what your sexual needs are. Help your spouse help you. "say it, Baby, a kiss here, massage there a little longer, let’s make out in the carport! Tell and show your spouse what these desires are. Don’t think about if they’ll say no, make them understand it’s what you need.

6. Be Aware of Yourself Sexually

Self-awareness is not only vital in marriage but is an important life skill. Take the time to meditate or do something that allows your mind to be clear for a moment.

Be in tune with yourself. What is something you want to change about yourself, that’ll make you more attractive to your mate? Are you short-fused or very patient? Turn off the outside world for a moment and get to know yourself. Discover what turns you on.

7. Explore Your Sexual Experience

Unless you’re a virgin, most married couples have past sexual experience. Most may have experienced love or very deep lust, heartache, hardship, great sex, or the worst sexual experience of their life.

Recreate those experiences that felt good, dive further into the rabbit hole of your pleasure. It’s ok to experiment, try new spontaneous, or even simple things. Take a trip to the sex store and buy something. You and your spouse can also take a private sex class to spice things up. 

8. Indulge in Foreplay

Foreplay the art of oral sex. Are you comfortable kissing, licking, and gently nibbling on your spouse’s most private parts? Do you enjoy the taste and or smell of your partner?

How can you make it more enjoyable? Foreplay is a part of sex, some people rather not partake in it, but it builds sex. It increases pleasure for both parties. If your partner isn’t good at oral sex, guide them.

Tell them what feels good or doesn’t. Practice with sex toys if necessary. Certain foods and drinks enhance the taste of sexual body fluid. The more attracted a wife is to her spouse it is said that her love will become sweeter for him. 

9. Make time for Intimacy

Between work, children, distractions, and duties find time for intimacy. Not sex but to be intimate. Gaze into each other’s eyes, cuddle, caress, wash each other’s back, have a movie night, or pick an activity just for the two of you. It doesn’t matter how cluttered your schedule is, make the time. Your marriage needs it more than you know.

10. Embrace Your Commitment

You have to stay down with your partner. Be willing to commit to better understanding your relationship, yourself, and your partner. Think about the reasons you choose to get married.

Acknowledge your dedication to your partner. Do what it takes to keep growing in your marriage. Think about the intimacy shared, those wild sex flashbacks, it also plays a role in your commitment.

Be Happy!

A happy marriage makes life more enjoyable. Make the time to build a healthy relationship. Don't be afraid to seek helpful advice when needed. Marriage is your gift of love and sex is the glue in bonding.

Sex is important in marriage so, make it memorable, desirable, and soul snatching. Explore your fantasies with your significant other. Marriage isn’t a prison term, don’t make it one, enjoy it to the fullest of your ability. 

I'm Ena-Alese a Poetry & Romance Erotica writer. I enjoy writing to entertain, inspire and inform.

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