When A Movie-Like Experience Happens In Real Life

My nightmare breakup story.

For privacy reasons, I will name my boyfriend Evan. 

Let's jump right in. 

via isha

I started talking to Evan online in December of 2019. He was away at college which was four hours away from me. He came home in March of 2020 for spring break. Due to Covid, he did not go back to school. This meant he was only half an hour away from me now. We hung out almost every day; we were so close. 

Soon, it was fall and Evan had to go back to school. I knew it would be hard to go into a long-distance relationship after spending so much time together, but I knew we'd be ok...thought we'd be ok. So he went back to school and we texted every day. I missed him a lot and he missed me. He was so busy with school; he was in a band and about three other school groups. 

Fast forward to October when I decided to visit him. I told him of my plan to get there Friday evening and stay until Monday morning. 

The day finally came and I headed to his college to finally see him after three months. The four-hour drive was awful especially since I was alone, but I had music so it wasn't torturing. I got there Friday evening and we spent the rest of the day together. 

We spent the entire day Saturday together, but that night was when everything went downhill. We were just cuddling in bed when he started going on about how much he missed me and how hard it's been for him. I tried to console him, but it didn't really work. This is basically how our conversation went:

EVAN: I'm gonna grab the tissues from the bathroom. (comes back) I bet you didn't expect me to be a cry baby.

ME: It's ok.

EVAN: It's just been so hard having to split my attention between you and school. And the distance just makes it worse. I hate not being able to see you. I feel like a terrible boyfriend.

ME: You're not a terrible boyfriend. I understand that you're busy, I know that you have a life outside of me. 

EVAN: Still...I feel like I don't give you enough attention. I have so much going on with school and my work-study and my leadership sessions and it's just so overwhelming.

ME: I know, but you're so strong.

EVAN: I don't feel strong...you're the only one who believes in me. 

ME: That's not true. 

EVAN: I don't know if I can do this.

ME: You don't want to break up...do you?

EVAN: I don't want to...I guess I may need time...I'm not sure. I'm so behind on all the stuff for school that I need to do and splitting my focus between someone I really care about and love who's always far away and the mountain of constant work I have to do here is extremely taxing...I'm sorry...are you ok?

ME: I'm just confused...are we ok or aren't we?

EVAN: If you're ok with me realizing that it's extremely taxing for me to split my attention and be on top of everything.

ME: That doesn't really answer my question.

EVAN: Are we ok? I'm honestly not sure...I'm not entirely ok. I haven't told you that if we had homework dates and we were able to see each other I'd be fine. It's the distance and not seeing you at all that's screwing with me.

ME: Ok.

EVAN: Are you interested in making us work?

ME: Are you?

EVAN: Yes. It may be difficult, but yes. 

ME: Are you sure? I need to know that you actually want this...it's really sounding like you don't.

EVAN: I want to want to...but I don't know...please tell me if I'm hurting you.

ME: You want to want to...

EVAN: I know I'm terrible.

ME: That sounds like a no.

EVAN: I'm sorry...do you want to talk more tomorrow? I want to make sure you're ok to drive home. 

ME: If the answer's no then no I don't really want to talk tomorrow. 

EVAN: Ok...I understand. Please be safe. 

A good portion of that conversation was over text. 

At that point, it was around midnight. I texted my sister telling her I'd be coming home tomorrow. She asked me why because she knew I was planning on leaving Monday. I told her that Evan and I broke up. 

It's not an exciting story, but it does sound like something from a movie. Paying $300 for a hotel and driving for four hours only to get broken up with...yeah, wish it wasn't real.

Nonbinary creative writer who wants to change the world.

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