If They Really Wanted To Would They?

The idea of "if they wanted to they would" is not always true and fails to consider a lot of different things. If someone doesn't do something does it always mean that they didn't want to?
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If they wanted to they would
Photo Source: Pexels

The answer from a lot of people is only ever yes or no, it can only be one of those two. It’s always if they wanted to they would, and if they didn’t then they never really wanted it. But, what if they wanted to and didn’t know how?

The thing is that it isn’t always just yes or no, and a lot of people tend to believe that it’s one or the other. Inherently the phrase “if they wanted to they would'' is not full proof, it’s oversimplified and a little ableist if you really think about it.

It doesn’t take into account the abilities & limitations of someone who may want to, but simply lack the tools to be able to. It assumes that most of the time that someone simply doesn’t want to, it doesn’t allow the idea of them being incapable of wanting to do something to exist.

Put in another way, think about the number of things that you have done that you didn’t want to & things you haven’t done but wanted to. It’s the same concept, the things you haven’t done are things you don’t know how to do or don’t have the ability to do. And it doesn’t mean you want those things any less, you simply don’t know how to have them.

Whenever I hear “if they wanted to they would" I always think about an old friend of mine who is a shining example of why that phrase isn’t always reality. This friend and I would talk about people he really liked, you could tell by the way he’d talk about them. Only for all of it to always be followed by the statement: even if I actually like someone I never know how to do anything about it.

It was never about whether or not he wanted them. He did. Simply he had no idea how to and that is no one’s fault. Sometimes things aren’t meant to be, it’s nothing to be sad about because if it was meant to be it would be.

What is meant for you will always be for you and will not pass you by (Bianca Sparacino beautifully explains below how nothing that is meant for you will get away).

 
 
 
 
 
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A post shared by Bianca Sparacino (@rainbowsalt)

At the end of the day whether or not they wanted to isn’t your business, the bottom line is they didn’t and that’s all you need to know. Even if they wanted to they may not know how to want it, and that isn't your fault nor does it make you any less worthy of love.

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