When A Movie-Like Experience Happens In Real Life
For privacy reasons, I will name my boyfriend Evan.
Let's jump right in.
I started talking to Evan online in December of 2019. He was away at college which was four hours away from me. He came home in March of 2020 for spring break. Due to Covid, he did not go back to school. This meant he was only half an hour away from me now. We hung out almost every day; we were so close.
Soon, it was fall and Evan had to go back to school. I knew it would be hard to go into a long-distance relationship after spending so much time together, but I knew we'd be ok...thought we'd be ok. So he went back to school and we texted every day. I missed him a lot and he missed me. He was so busy with school; he was in a band and about three other school groups.
Fast forward to October when I decided to visit him. I told him of my plan to get there Friday evening and stay until Monday morning.
The day finally came and I headed to his college to finally see him after three months. The four-hour drive was awful especially since I was alone, but I had music so it wasn't torturing. I got there Friday evening and we spent the rest of the day together.
We spent the entire day Saturday together, but that night was when everything went downhill. We were just cuddling in bed when he started going on about how much he missed me and how hard it's been for him. I tried to console him, but it didn't really work. This is basically how our conversation went:
EVAN: I'm gonna grab the tissues from the bathroom. (comes back) I bet you didn't expect me to be a cry baby.
ME: It's ok.
EVAN: It's just been so hard having to split my attention between you and school. And the distance just makes it worse. I hate not being able to see you. I feel like a terrible boyfriend.
ME: You're not a terrible boyfriend. I understand that you're busy, I know that you have a life outside of me.
EVAN: Still...I feel like I don't give you enough attention. I have so much going on with school and my work-study and my leadership sessions and it's just so overwhelming.
ME: I know, but you're so strong.
EVAN: I don't feel strong...you're the only one who believes in me.
ME: That's not true.
EVAN: I don't know if I can do this.
ME: You don't want to break up...do you?
EVAN: I don't want to...I guess I may need time...I'm not sure. I'm so behind on all the stuff for school that I need to do and splitting my focus between someone I really care about and love who's always far away and the mountain of constant work I have to do here is extremely taxing...I'm sorry...are you ok?
ME: I'm just confused...are we ok or aren't we?
EVAN: If you're ok with me realizing that it's extremely taxing for me to split my attention and be on top of everything.
ME: That doesn't really answer my question.
EVAN: Are we ok? I'm honestly not sure...I'm not entirely ok. I haven't told you that if we had homework dates and we were able to see each other I'd be fine. It's the distance and not seeing you at all that's screwing with me.
ME: Ok.
EVAN: Are you interested in making us work?
ME: Are you?
EVAN: Yes. It may be difficult, but yes.
ME: Are you sure? I need to know that you actually want this...it's really sounding like you don't.
EVAN: I want to want to...but I don't know...please tell me if I'm hurting you.
ME: You want to want to...
EVAN: I know I'm terrible.
ME: That sounds like a no.
EVAN: I'm sorry...do you want to talk more tomorrow? I want to make sure you're ok to drive home.
ME: If the answer's no then no I don't really want to talk tomorrow.
EVAN: Ok...I understand. Please be safe.
A good portion of that conversation was over text.
At that point, it was around midnight. I texted my sister telling her I'd be coming home tomorrow. She asked me why because she knew I was planning on leaving Monday. I told her that Evan and I broke up.
It's not an exciting story, but it does sound like something from a movie. Paying $300 for a hotel and driving for four hours only to get broken up with...yeah, wish it wasn't real.
Opinions and Perspectives
The way you handled his indecision with such clarity is admirable. When he couldn't give a straight answer, you knew what that meant.
I bet that $300 hotel bill still stings when you think about it. Some lessons are expensive in more ways than one.
The mixture of in-person and text conversation during such an important moment feels very modern and relatable.
Your story really captures how sometimes relationships end not with a bang but with a whimper.
It's interesting how some of our most movie-like moments are actually our hardest times.
The fact that you drove four hours for this makes it even more heartbreaking. Distance really can make everything harder.
I admire how you didn't try to convince him otherwise. Sometimes we need to just accept things as they are.
That must have been such a shock after spending such a nice day together. Life really does hit you when you least expect it.
Looking back, do you think the relationship would have ended anyway once he returned to school?
The whole I want to want to line is painfully honest. Sometimes we wish we felt differently than we do.
I actually agree with him about one thing, the homework dates and regular contact make a huge difference in relationships.
His inability to give straight answers must have been so frustrating in the moment.
The way you described the good day together before everything changed really highlights how quickly life can shift.
This reminds me of that saying about how the opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference.
It's weird how he kept asking if you were okay while being the one causing the pain.
The fact that you immediately texted your sister shows how important support systems are in these moments.
You were so composed during this conversation. I would have been a mess.
I've noticed a pattern in these stories where one person starts with I feel terrible before delivering bad news.
College relationships are especially tough because everyone's growing and changing so much during those years.
Sometimes the most painful part isn't the breakup itself but the aftermath, like that long drive home.
It's interesting how he wanted reassurance that you were okay to drive home after essentially breaking up with you.
The contrast between your planned Monday departure and leaving the next day is heartbreaking.
I wonder if he planned this conversation or if it just came out in the moment. Either way, tough situation.
Your straightforward questions were exactly right. No point in dragging out the uncertainty.
The way he kept saying I'm terrible shows he knew what he was doing wasn't great, but felt trapped.
This story perfectly captures how some relationships just fade due to circumstances rather than big dramatic events.
I actually think you both handled it as well as you could given the circumstances. Sometimes there are no villains in breakups.
The covid lockdown created an artificial environment where you could spend lots of time together. Reality hit hard when normal life resumed.
I totally understand feeling overwhelmed with school, but his communication about it was really poor.
We often romanticize long distance relationships, but they require so much more work than people realize.
The way he kept saying sorry instead of being direct must have been so frustrating. Just be honest from the start.
I've never understood why some people wait for in-person visits to end long-distance relationships. It seems unnecessarily cruel.
That hotel bill adds insult to injury. Breaking up is expensive enough emotionally without adding financial cost.
Your responses were so mature. You didn't beg or try to change his mind, you just accepted the reality of the situation.
Looking back, do you see any signs that this was coming? Sometimes we miss the red flags when we're in the moment.
I appreciate how real and raw this story is. Not all breakups are dramatic fights, sometimes they're just sad conversations.
The fact that part of the conversation was over text while you were in the same room says a lot about communication issues.
This resonates with me so much. I remember sitting in my car after a similar conversation, just trying to process everything.
It sounds like he was already checked out mentally and just couldn't admit it until that moment.
The contrast between spending a lovely day together and then having it end like this is particularly cruel. Life can change so quickly.
I understand being overwhelmed with school commitments, but his timing was really awful. You deserved better than that.
Sometimes the movie moments in our lives are the painful ones, not the romantic comedies we hope for.
The way you stood your ground when he suggested talking tomorrow showed real strength. You knew your worth.
I feel like he was trying to get you to make the decision for him because he didn't want to be the bad guy.
That moment when you texted your sister breaks my heart. Having to tell someone else makes it feel so final and real.
I wish more people would realize that long distance during college is incredibly difficult. The growth and changes we go through during those years are intense.
Reading this brought back memories of my own college breakup. Time really does heal though, even when it doesn't feel like it will.
The fact that this happened while you were visiting makes it feel like a movie scene, but real life is often messier than fiction.
Not every love story has a happy ending, but these experiences shape who we become. You handled it with grace.
I noticed how he kept deflecting with I'm terrible and I'm sorry instead of giving straight answers. Classic avoidance behavior.
While the timing was terrible, at least he was honest about his feelings rather than dragging things out longer.
I went through something similar in college. These situations are never black and white. Sometimes good people have to make hard choices.
The whole covid situation really created false environments for many relationships. What worked during lockdown didn't necessarily translate to regular life.
Your sister sounds supportive. It's so important to have family to lean on in moments like these.
The part where he said I want to want to really hits hard. Sometimes we genuinely care about someone but know deep down it just isn't working.
I actually disagree with some comments here. If he was having doubts, he should have discussed them before you made the trip. Seems inconsiderate to let you spend money and time traveling just to end things.
It was brave of you to be so direct with your questions. Many people would have tried to hold on despite the clear signs things weren't working.
That must have been such a painful drive back home. I can't imagine having to process all those emotions while driving for four hours alone.
Honestly, it sounds like Evan was struggling with his mental health too. The pressure of school, activities, and maintaining a relationship can be overwhelming. Not excusing how he handled it, but I can understand where he was coming from.
This reminds me so much of my own college relationship. The constant struggle between academics and maintaining a relationship is really tough. I feel for both of you.
I'm so sorry you went through this. Long distance relationships can be incredibly challenging, especially during college. Sometimes timing just isn't right, no matter how much we care about someone.