I Didn't Want It To End, But We Needed It To

Letting go of someone doesn’t happen overnight, for some it takes longer than others. For me it finally happened when I recognized I deserved better & nothing I could’ve done would’ve stopped you from leaving.
Photo by Gemma Evans on Unsplash

Letting you go was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I thought you would always be in my life and when you left I had no idea if I'd ever been able to get over it. The way you shut the door in my face, deadbolted it, and left me out in the cold didn’t surprise me but it left me with one question.

You always wanted what was best for me. The thing is you knew the way you left was going to destroy me, but you did it anyway. So the question that goes back and forth in my mind is, were you finally giving up on me or doing what you thought was best for me? That’s the question that’ll forever go unanswered for me.

When we met little did I know you were going to drown me in your deep waters? Never did I think that trying to love you would feel as if I were constantly being thrown overboard a ship. I didn’t even blame you for it, but I thought maybe you would save me. I grabbed onto your hand thinking you’d pull me out, but you would just let me sink into the abyss every single time.

Our fatal flaw was never knowing how to exist without casualties in a war we were fighting of who could hurt the other more. Both of us fed off the chaos we created, as long we didn’t have to live without each other it didn’t matter the cost. We had convinced each other and everyone else that it was love, but we were fooling them as much as we were ourselves.

If it was love then maybe I wouldn’t have tried so hard to change you and you wouldn’t have left so many breadcrumbs on a path you always knew was leading to nowhere.

My love for you will always exist, but I can’t wait any longer for you to make up your mind. I need my own sanity more than I need you anymore. As much as I want to keep you in my life it’s better to love you from a distance because if I get too close you might burn me again.

At the end of the day, there’s no use in trying to stop someone from leaving or trying to make them love you. You just did not want to be a part of my life anymore. And that hurts. But it’s not anything to get sad about because if we are meant to be in each other’s lives we will be, if not we won’t.

I will always love you, but it’s time for me to move on.

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