Feeling Gaslighted By The Entire World

I wake up every single day scared of getting sick or getting those around me sick and losing absolutely everything. And it makes me wonder why it seems as if everyone else is going about their lives as if this pandemic we are living in isn't real.

Thousands of people are dying every single day and all that's being asked to do is to be considerate. Some people think it's too big of an ask to care enough to protect other people from dying.

The numbers are only getting worse as the days go on and it's sickening that the thought of thousands of people dying every day leaves some people unbothered.

It feels as if I'm the only person living in the reality that fully understands what's happening. All the while anytime I go on social media I'm getting laughed at by others who are vacationing, going to weddings, or going out to bars & restaurants without a single care in the world.

This constantly being safe and protecting everyone around me from getting sick is exhausting and feels as if it's for nothing. It messes with my mind how someone can do everything they're supposed to, but somehow tragedy can still strike.

It feels unfair that I have to be overly responsible while others don't have to spend a second of their day thinking about how their actions can affect other people. I am physically, emotionally, mentally drained from the constant trying to stay calm, cool, safe, and aware of everything happening while it's as if no one else is doing the same.

All this anger bubbles inside of me when I think about it and sometimes I can feel it consume me entirely. And I know that there's a line where anger can be useful and where it isn't, but gun to my head I wouldn't be able to tell you where that line is.

And maybe those of us, myself included that care so deeply about what is happening is because we all have way too much to lose. One fell swoop and I lose every single thing that I've ever known, and that is the one thing I'm not willing to risk.

Maybe one day all the pain and sacrifices being made during these hard times will mean something and be a distant memory. As for now, I'll keep telling myself all of this isn't for nothing although it feels as it is.