8 Reasons Why We Need To Change Our Inner Dialogues Right Now

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How often do you catch yourself saying something negative about how you look, something you’ve done, or something you’ve said? Chances are it’s pretty frequent.

What is being self-critical? 

Self-criticism is the umbrella over all the mean, harsh things you say to yourself about who and what you are. To be self-critical means that you talk to yourself in a way that is negative and cruel, and while your intention may be good, the outcome rarely ever is.

This talk track manifests toxicity and is a breeding ground for self-hatred.

We are often critical of ourselves in order to force growth and development. We aren’t content with how we are, and we take charge of the discontent by mercilessly criticizing ourselves and our actions, attempting to create the change we desire.

However, this act is fruitless. Instead of curating change, we instead dig ourselves into a pit of self-loathing and negative self-esteem.

Why is self-criticism bad?

We are mean, despotic, and savage to ourselves, planting cynical seeds of thought in our minds about who we are.

The problem with this self-criticism is that we often start to believe the things we tell ourselves and start living them out.

We tell ourselves that we are bad friends and partners; we tell ourselves we are ugly, lazy, mean, selfish, weak, stupid, and boring. We repeat these things to ourselves over and over again, and eventually, they become ingrained in us and we assume them to be true.

Once we believe these negative thoughts, we bring them to fruition through our actions. Over time we become the person we are telling ourselves that we are because that’s what we truly believe.

Why is it important to talk to yourself?

Talking to yourself is not the problem here; it’s normal and healthy, and we all do it. The problem is that you’re talking to yourself in the wrong ways. Your talk track is purely negative, and your words and thoughts are harsh and harmful to your well-being.

Talking to yourself is important because it sets the trajectory for the way you view yourself and your life.

If you are mean to yourself, telling yourself that you’re ugly and lazy, you will believe it. The opposite is true as well. If you tell yourself you’re lovely and disciplined, over time, you’ll eventually believe that as well.

Instead of telling yourself cruel and ugly things, switch that to the other side of the spectrum and tell yourself the opposite. Tell yourself you are strong, fantastic, beautiful, intelligent, kind, and hard-working. Speak kindly to yourself and manifest positive beliefs about yourself and who you are.

Here are 8 reasons why we need to change our inner dialogues right now.

1. We live in a negative society

While there is unbounded light, positivity, and warmth in the world, there is also darkness, negativity, and fear. There is sadness and pain, cruelty and turmoil, agony and affliction; these things are unavoidable no matter how hard we try.

Society is another issue of its own accord. Throughout eternity, society has created standards for what is considered the ideal man and the ideal woman. These standards are often unreachable and dishonest. They are simply unattainable. No one can be perfect all the time and no one should be expected to be.

However, we often get the message from our respective societies that we are not enough, we don’t measure up and we never will.

Because we receive this message on a regular basis, we need to tell ourselves the opposite. If we believe the lies we are bombarded with, we will start to tell ourselves the same things and believe them over time. However, if we tell ourselves an opposing message to the one society is sending us, we will be prone to believing that instead.

2. We have control over what we tell ourselves

We are in absolute control over the words we tell ourselves. Whether they’re intentional or on autopilot, we can choose to ignore or believe the thoughts that float through our minds.

If you have the automatic thought that you are too bossy or too demanding, flip your thought around to the positive side and rephrase your negative words; tell yourself that you are confident and respectful of your own boundaries.

We have the power to dwell on self-deprecating thoughts, and we also have the power to steer them around in the opposite direction. Turn your negative words into positive ones.   

3. We can’t control what others say to us

While we have the ability to control our own internal voice, we have no control whatsoever over the words of other people.

As mentioned previously, society sends us a certain message that we have no authority over and it is up to us to choose whether or not to tell ourselves the same message, but we have no jurisdiction over the message society sends us in the first place.

If you are receiving harsh criticisms from people other than yourself, take that with a grain of salt and remind yourself of all your admirable qualities. Do not embed the criticism into your talk track but stick to positive and uplifting words when talking to yourself.

You can’t control what other people say, but you do have the power to choose how you internally receive and interpret the message.

4. Harsh words are powerful

Cruel words stick with you. Chances are, you remember the teasing and names you were called by other children when you were a kid. We don’t forget the mean words that are thrown at us throughout our lives.

Meanness is a powerful thing. It can stop someone in their tracks when they’re working towards something, it can ruin friendships, it can harm friends and family, and it can demolish your self-confidence and self-esteem.

Choose to erase negative words from your vocabulary when you’re speaking directly to yourself. They hold more power over you than you may think.  

5. Kind words are also powerful

Kindness also sticks with you. You remember your best friend from Kindergarten, your favorite schoolteachers, your neighbor who would come by with a plate of cookies.

Kind words hold a vast amount of weight. We hold on to compliments we’ve received over the years and can recall memories of others speaking goodwill and warmth towards us and our character.

Replace negative verbiage with positivity. Recite pragmatic words to yourself and lift yourself up. These kind and powerful words affect you both consciously and subconsciously, so you should repeat them to yourself until they’ve become a part of your belief system.

6. We deserve to treat ourselves with kindness

We never have and never could do anything to ourselves that would warrant meanness and cruelty. Yes, we’ve made mistakes, some huge and some small, but that doesn’t justify a harsh internal talk track.

Regardless of what you’ve done in your life, you deserve to be kind to yourself.

Hold yourself accountable, change in realms you need change, grow in underdeveloped areas, but be kind to yourself in the process.

7. We are worthy of kindness

Even though we don’t always come by kindness from the world, society, and other people, we are worthy of receiving it regardless.

As human beings, we are inherently worthy of obtaining kindness from others. This is not always the case, so we must therefore be kind to ourselves. Furthermore, we must speak to ourselves in the way we wish to be spoken to.

Treat yourself with kind words daily and keep negative appellation out of your mind.

8. We need to be our own safe space

In a world that so often bombards us with the message that we are not good enough, we need to be our own safe space and remind ourselves of our worth and value.

In an environment that tells us, we need to be more of this and less of that, we need to speak kindness and truth to ourselves.

We need to be the kind voice of reason in our minds, breaking through the negative messages the world, society, and other people are sending our way.

Be kind and compassionate with yourself and repeat positive words to yourself. This will cut through the negative monotony of the messages you are receiving from outside sources. Only you have the power to believe what you choose to believe, so choose to speak to yourself with kindness, and that will soon become the message you truly believe.

There is power in cruel words, and there is just as much power in laudatory words. Change your talk track and choose to speak to yourself kindly. This will forever change the way you see yourself, and will greatly increase your self-worth and self-efficacy.

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Photo by The Creative Exchange on Unsplash 
Eden is a 26-year-old Aries who loves learning and exploring mental health, self-love, self-care, and eating disorder recovery.

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