To Walk Away And End An Abusive Relationship

When do you really know it's time to walk away from an abusive relationship?
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It seems in many relationships we don't recognize a pattern of disrespect, red flags, and discomfort. Many times we assume it'll surpass us, this "feeling". As relationships between you and another begin to grow, the only constant you want is to know that this person is going to be around and stay by your side. You want to be sure that the person your life is revolving around, the person you are in love with, will be your partner! 

Unfortunately, many people don't have that luck. Many times we accept these harsh responses because we truly love this person, but when we start to recognize ourselves as accepting, that's when it's time to walk away.

It's easier said than done. But, just think about it. Let us say you and this person have been dating and seeing each other for six months, and there has been no sign of affection on their end emotionally, what would you do?

Now you recognize this, you see less effort on their end, not wanting to take you out, talk to you, be around you, etc., in some cases you'd actually start putting in more effort than they would, to make up for the work they aren't putting in. You now take the role of being in a relationship and having this person just show up and take the credit for it. 

At first, you'll be okay with it, you'll think it's temporary. However, at some point, this person is going to think to themselves that they don't have to do anything because you are so willing to do everything. You're so willing to make the plans every time, make dinner, take the time for them, but they would cancel on you if something "better" came up. 

I'm Not saying the effort that you are putting into your relationship is bad, but have you ever seen or heard the saying "relationships should be 50/50"?

Well, you should always disagree with that, why would you want someone to give in half of what they are? Relationships should be 100/100, I give you all, you give me all. 

You should never settle for less. Why would you settle for an unloving relationship for the rest of your life? Just imagine yourself 50 years from now, and you're sitting at home, and you look back at your life. Are you happy? Are you content with the person you chose to be your everything? Are you even still with them? If 50 years is a stretch look at a year from now. You put in all this effort every time you ask to see them, and you care for them, love them, make them feel like a priority, and then they just go. 

When I wrote "feelings" in quotes, I wrote it for two reasons.

One, because most feelings are intuition. That "gut feeling" is typically never wrong, the amount of times your body literally tells you that this person isn't for you - is incredible.

Two, many people invalidate their feelings and many people listen to others and have them invalidate their feelings. You are your only friend. You will only save yourself. You are your own person, and sometimes we forget that we are, sometimes we forget that we can walk away as easily, and guess what the moment you walk away they come running back.

Why will they start chasing you after you back off from the abusive relationship? Because you were the constant in their lives, you were there, you heard them out, you listened, you engaged, you wanted to be part of their lives. 

When being with someone there needs to be some sort of constant, there needs to be that reassurance. Them telling you things isn't the reassurance you need, if you're overthinking you probably have the right reasons too. Everything is shown in actions, if they mean that they love you, they'll show it. If they keep saying they want to take you out and make these hypothetical dates or something, don't consider it as anything. It's only false hope and the last thing you need is to be carried out into this bitter assumption that they're really there for you.

So do not be afraid to walk away, relationships aren't simple, they aren't supposed to be. You're supposed to argue, have different views, and learn about each other's tempers, but in the end, if both of you don't have the same values, then what are you trying to do? Convince them? No, you walk away and save your love for someone who is the right fit for you.

unloving relationship
image source: pexels

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