You're No Longer Here And It Still Hurts Sometimes
Five months. 150 days. 3600 hours.
It's been five months since you left and in reality, that's not a lot of time but sure feels like it. Being confined to the four walls of this house has slowed and sped up time all at once. It feels as it were a lifetime ago when you left, but at the same time, it feels as if it were yesterday all over again.
For the most part, I've learned to be okay with you gone but it still hurts sometimes. There are days I get stuck and start spiraling about every single thing we ever said to each other. I find myself wishing I had done things or acted differently because then maybe things wouldn't have broken down the way they did.
I find myself feeling awful that even now, still, I think about you and how I think I'm to blame for us falling apart. Some small part of me still thinks there could've been something I could've done to stop you from leaving.
In retrospect, I understand why you took everything and ran away as quickly as you did. I'm someone who can only feel at home in the midst of a hurricane that tears apart houses and drowns entire towns from existence. And I tend to forget not everyone, especially you don’t need the chaos of mass destruction to survive the insufferable mundanity of everyday life.
Some days I feel as if I lost you sooner than I wanted to, but I know you don't feel the same. Thinking about that is what hurts the most. I could always tell you were itching to find a way out. You let go so easily as if I meant nothing as if I were nothing.
It's heartbreaking that those days I find my grief pouring out of me so quickly I cannot contain any of it. I'm grieving over someone who I never mattered to and chose to take his secrets to the grave over believing my fears to be real.
I swear I'd stop thinking about you & let you go if I could. I'm not holding on because I want to it's just I don't know where to put down all the anger and pain I carry around from you.
And maybe I think I'll lose myself if I'm not angry at you, justifying who are or even grieving you. I'm uncertain of where who I was with you will go if I no longer let you live in the back of my mind.
What you did to me no longer matters it's in the past, it has passed, but that doesn't mean it still doesn't hurt sometimes.
Now, all these months later all I can say is that it happened how it was supposed to. We were only ever destined to go up in flames and I knew that. Nothing was ever going to change that we were not meant to stay in each other's lives.
I've let go of the idea that things could've ended differently. If they could've ended differently then they would've, but they didn't.
Opinions and Perspectives
I find it powerful how the article moves from pain to acceptance without losing the authenticity of either emotion.
The honesty about still thinking about someone who didn't care enough to stay is brutal but necessary.
Never related to something so much as 'I'm not holding on because I want to'.
Sometimes the details don't matter as much as the feelings they leave behind.
The way time becomes meaningless yet all-consuming after a breakup is so well captured here.
Reading this makes me want to reach out to my ex but I know I shouldn't.
That's what makes breakups so complicated. Two people can experience the same relationship completely differently.
The mention of insufferable mundanity of everyday life really struck a chord with me.
Not dramatic at all when you're living through it. Some people really do thrive in chaos.
I understand the hurricane metaphor but I think it's a bit dramatic.
This piece captures that weird space between acceptance and holding on perfectly.
The imagery of drowning towns really drives home the destructive nature of some relationships.
I actually find comfort in knowing others go through these same emotions.
The contrast between wanting to let go and not knowing how is so well expressed.
I went through something similar but it took me much longer than five months to reach this level of clarity.
That's a shame though. Even painful relationships teach us something about ourselves.
The line about taking secrets to the grave instead of addressing fears really highlights the communication issues.
I love how this captures the contradiction of knowing it's over but still hurting.
No I think that's the point. Acceptance isn't always clean and perfect.
The acceptance at the end feels forced to me. Like they're trying to convince themselves.
Something about the line 'you let go so easily as if I meant nothing' just shattered me.
My heart aches reading this because I'm currently going through something similar.
The mathematical breakdown of time at the beginning really emphasizes how fresh the wound still is.
I find it interesting how the author acknowledges they knew it would end in flames but stayed anyway.
Can we talk about how beautifully written that hurricane metaphor is? Really captures the essence of incompatibility.
The way they describe grief pouring out uncontrollably some days is so accurate it hurts.
I don't think it's romanticizing. It's just being honest about the messy reality of healing.
Sometimes I wonder if we romanticize the pain of breakups too much through writing like this.
The part about losing yourself if you let go of the anger really made me think about my own healing process.
What really resonates with me is how we can understand why someone left but still feel hurt by their leaving.
The author captures that strange limbo between knowing it's over and still feeling stuck perfectly.
That's quite insensitive. Everyone processes loss differently and there's no timeline for healing.
I actually think five months is a long time to still be this wrapped up in someone who chose to leave.
This feels like reading pages from my own journal. The way time warps after someone leaves is so strange.
The line about being someone who feels at home in hurricanes really struck me. Sometimes we're just fundamentally different from the people we love.
Interesting perspective about identity being tied to grief. Never thought about it that way before.
I understand the sentiment but I think holding onto anger only hurts ourselves in the long run.
Anyone else catch themselves nodding along to the part about not knowing where to put all the anger and pain? That's exactly how I felt.
The writing is beautiful but I think the author needs to be kinder to themselves. Five months is still very fresh for processing a breakup.
The hurricane metaphor is incredibly powerful. It perfectly captures how some people thrive in chaos while others need calm.
I disagree with the self-blame in the article. Sometimes relationships just don't work out and that's nobody's fault.
The part about time feeling both slow and fast after a breakup is so accurate. I experienced the same thing when my relationship ended last year.
This article really hits home. The raw honesty about grief and letting go is something I think many of us can relate to.