Why Do We Accept The Bare Minimum?

Is it because we feel accepting the bare minimum is better than confronting that individual?
stories · 3 min
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Years ago in a discussion with a friend, I was asked a question that has stayed with me for years. "Why do we accept the bare minimum from people and think it's okay to let that happen?" Do we accept it because we don't value ourselves enough or are we so used to receiving so little that we've long consented to let people do so little for us?

I didn't have an answer for her at the time but reflecting over the years since, I believe we accept the bare minimum because we don't know how to ask for more. We feel asking for more is too much for the other person to handle...or is it?

Recently I saw a quote that initially sparked the idea for this article and it went, "You have to meet people where they are, and sometimes you have to leave them there." If people start a relationship or partnership by putting little effort into it, not valuing your time, or taking advantage of your silence, then that should be the moment you realize they're never going to change. So instead of wasting your time with these so-called "friends" or loved ones, realize that you can do better, not just for yourself but the people that will come next in your life.

There was a former roommate of mine that would consistently give the littlest of efforts to help around the house. We shared a bathroom - not my first or last time to share with another female - and a majority of the time the cleaning tasks fell to me. It was becoming such an issue that it was starting to stress me out. Confronting people has never been an enjoyable event for me and it's due to avoiding those confrontations as much as possible.

But here I was letting this drawn-out issue affect me mentally, complaining to my friends about her, and yet not taking any action to absolve it. It even got to the point where I started making excuses for her in my head, "She's busy or "I can take her turn and clean this week, it's not a problem."

When I started making excuses for another persons' lack of initiative and thought it was stupid to ask for more, is when I knew it was time to confront them. It should've never gotten to the point where asking for more felt like a problem. I then confronted her about the issue and after proclaiming she would do more, naturally thought this would be the end of our conflict, but I was wrong.

Instead what happened was the same cycle as before, which is nothing changed. After months of this back-and-forth, multiple conversations about the same issue, I realized that no matter the many attempts to get her help more around the apartment, it was never going to happen.

I spent an excruciatingly long time accepting her behavior and then trying to change those habits because I thought it was my job. We were both grown adults living together as roommates, it wasn't my job to babysit her and make sure she does her part as a roommate. 

Should I have confronted her about the issue when it first occurred? Absolutely. The signs were there at the beginning of what kind of roommate she would be, but I brushed it aside thinking it was just a one-time occurrence. She quite literally gave me the bare minimum for two years and I stupidly thought I could change that.

I could've saved myself and our other roommate all this drama, but I learned something valuable in all of this. It was a life lesson in learning that people show you what kind of person they are, and it's up to you whether to put up with it or not. 

The moral of the story is, realize that people rarely change and you need to accept that and happily move along. If they are giving the bare minimum in the then back away immediately. Or those people will take more than just your time away from you; they'll take away your self-worth.

Image Source: Unsplash
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Opinions and Perspectives

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Tapper_Talk commented Tapper_Talk 3 years ago

The cycle of accepting less than we deserve needs to be broken.

1
SelfLove_Workout_10 commented SelfLove_Workout_10 3 years ago

This has made me think about whether I'm giving enough in my own relationships.

3
Kit_Commentary commented Kit_Commentary 3 years ago

It's remarkable how much energy we spend trying to change others instead of accepting reality.

2
StarWars_Galaxy21 commented StarWars_Galaxy21 3 years ago

Reading this makes me want to evaluate all my relationships more carefully.

8
TVShowRerunKing_77 commented TVShowRerunKing_77 3 years ago

We often know what we should do, but actually doing it is the hard part.

8
BellaN commented BellaN 3 years ago

The point about leaving people where they are really stuck with me.

4
Storm99 commented Storm99 3 years ago

I'm working on raising my standards. It's uncomfortable but necessary.

4
Streetwear_4Life commented Streetwear_4Life 3 years ago

Sometimes we need to hear these tough truths multiple times before they sink in.

3
Juliette_Flower commented Juliette_Flower 3 years ago

This article helped me understand why I stayed in my last relationship too long.

7
SkyWalker23 commented SkyWalker23 3 years ago

I've started asking myself why I make excuses for others so often.

4
Justin commented Justin 3 years ago

The self-worth aspect really resonates. Accepting less than we deserve becomes a habit.

8
Alexa commented Alexa 3 years ago

My mother always said you can't pour from an empty cup. This article reminds me of that.

3
PaisleyMae commented PaisleyMae 3 years ago

It's tough finding the balance between being understanding and being a doormat.

3
BobbyC commented BobbyC 3 years ago

Confrontation is hard but necessary. I'm learning that the hard way.

7
HugAnd-Kisses_365 commented HugAnd-Kisses_365 3 years ago

The article made me realize I might be the bare minimum person in some relationships.

4
Fashion_Flare commented Fashion_Flare 3 years ago

Been there with the roommate situation. It's amazing how much stress these situations create.

2
TrainWithPassion commented TrainWithPassion 3 years ago

This reminds me why setting standards early in any relationship is so crucial.

0
Inner-Calm_Unlocked_555 commented Inner-Calm_Unlocked_555 3 years ago

Wonder how many friendships could be saved if we just communicated our needs clearly from the start.

5
Scarlett_F commented Scarlett_F 3 years ago

I appreciate how the article distinguishes between temporary struggles and consistent patterns.

8
Strength_And_Grace_88 commented Strength_And_Grace_88 3 years ago

Learning to walk away from bare minimum situations has been liberating for me.

3
OscarWinnerPredictions_22 commented OscarWinnerPredictions_22 3 years ago

The part about making excuses really hit home. I do this way too often.

5
Power-Of-Now_2024 commented Power-Of-Now_2024 3 years ago

It's interesting how we often give others more grace than we give ourselves.

2
Bonded-ForLife_55 commented Bonded-ForLife_55 3 years ago

Reading this made me evaluate some of my current relationships. Time for some changes.

8
ParisXO commented ParisXO 3 years ago

Sometimes we accept the bare minimum because we're afraid we don't deserve better.

7
ReduceReuseThrive commented ReduceReuseThrive 3 years ago

I've found that people who truly care will make an effort, even if it's not perfect.

6
FilmAwardsNerd_99 commented FilmAwardsNerd_99 3 years ago

That's exactly why clear communication about expectations is so important in any relationship.

8
Vera_Bennett commented Vera_Bennett 3 years ago

The concept of bare minimum varies from person to person though. What's minimal to me might be maximum effort for someone else.

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Michael-Patrick commented Michael-Patrick 3 years ago

I wish I had read something like this in my twenties. Would have saved me from so many one-sided friendships.

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Rewatch_Junkie_90 commented Rewatch_Junkie_90 3 years ago

You make a fair point about capacity, but repeated patterns of minimal effort are different from temporary limitations.

2
Style_Queen_01 commented Style_Queen_01 3 years ago

This article assumes everyone has the same capacity for giving. Life isn't that simple.

2
AubreyS commented AubreyS 3 years ago

We need to normalize walking away from situations where we're not valued properly.

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Designer_Drip_07 commented Designer_Drip_07 3 years ago

The part about avoiding confrontation really speaks to me. I'm still working on finding my voice.

3
AnimeStreamMaster commented AnimeStreamMaster 3 years ago

My parents always taught me to give people chances, but I've learned there's a limit to that advice.

3
WarpSpeedX commented WarpSpeedX 3 years ago

It's helped me to think about relationships as investments. If I'm the only one investing, something's wrong.

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StormtrooperElite commented StormtrooperElite 3 years ago

Anyone else feel like they need to read this article every few months as a reminder?

6
Wardrobe_Upgrade_11 commented Wardrobe_Upgrade_11 3 years ago

The article makes me think about how we often confuse settling with being understanding.

7
Hibberd_Highlights commented Hibberd_Highlights 3 years ago

I've been on both sides of this. Sometimes I was the one giving minimal effort without realizing it.

1
Boho-Vintage_101 commented Boho-Vintage_101 3 years ago

True, but sometimes we need to examine our expectations too. Are we asking for reasonable things?

6
AlyssaF commented AlyssaF 3 years ago

Looking back, I can see all the red flags I ignored in past relationships because I was afraid to ask for more.

1
Russert_Roundup commented Russert_Roundup 3 years ago

My therapist always says that boundaries are about protecting ourselves, not controlling others.

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Iconic_Style_88 commented Iconic_Style_88 3 years ago

The self-worth aspect really stood out to me. It's amazing how accepting less can slowly erode your confidence.

5
SarinaH commented SarinaH 3 years ago

Actually, I think the article makes a fair point about not making excuses for consistently poor behavior.

6
Classy-Threads commented Classy-Threads 3 years ago

I find the article oversimplifies complex relationship dynamics. Sometimes people are dealing with invisible struggles.

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NaomiHughes commented NaomiHughes 3 years ago

We teach people how to treat us. If we accept minimal effort, that's what we'll keep getting.

3
HenryMartinez commented HenryMartinez 3 years ago

The bathroom cleaning story reminds me why I now live alone. No more dealing with inconsiderate roommates!

4
Maher_Musings commented Maher_Musings 3 years ago

Not sure I agree with the previous comment. Some people might struggle in one area but excel in others.

6
Eliana_Wood commented Eliana_Wood 3 years ago

In my experience, people who give bare minimum effort in one area tend to do it in all areas of their life.

3
IsabellaTaylor commented IsabellaTaylor 3 years ago

Learning to ask for what you need is such an important skill. Took me years of therapy to get there.

2
SoulFlow_Vibes_222 commented SoulFlow_Vibes_222 3 years ago

This resonates so much. I just ended a friendship where I was always the one putting in all the effort.

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Nina_Soft commented Nina_Soft 3 years ago

While I understand being patient, there's a difference between supporting growth and enabling laziness.

4
Love_Beyond_365 commented Love_Beyond_365 3 years ago

But isn't there value in being patient with people? Not everyone develops at the same pace.

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Active-Soul_07 commented Active-Soul_07 4 years ago

The quote about meeting people where they are and leaving them there is powerful. Wish I had learned that lesson years ago.

0
Sepinwall_Scoop commented Sepinwall_Scoop 4 years ago

I disagree with the notion that people rarely change. I've seen tremendous growth in myself and others when the motivation is there.

0
CineFanatic commented CineFanatic 4 years ago

That roommate situation sounds exactly like what I went through in college. It's amazing how much mental energy we waste trying to change others.

1
Valentina_Love commented Valentina_Love 4 years ago

Interesting perspective, but I think it's also important to recognize that everyone has different capacity levels at different times in their lives.

1
Sophie_23 commented Sophie_23 4 years ago

Sometimes I wonder if social media has made us more accepting of superficial connections and bare minimum effort.

2
MoonlitMystery commented MoonlitMystery 4 years ago

The part about making excuses for others hit home. I spent years doing that with my ex, always thinking they would change.

0
Kit_Commentary commented Kit_Commentary 4 years ago

I really connect with this article. I've been there too, accepting less than I deserve in relationships because I was afraid to rock the boat.

0

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