We’ve all experienced that point in our lives where we feel our relationship is starting to come undone. The other person has started to distance themselves, the sparks that were shared have diminished, and you are left wondering what went wrong. You want to keep the relationship thriving, but you don’t know what to do.
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Whenever you try to make things work everything starts to feel harder. The more you push the more the other person pulls or worse they don’t move at all. You know something isn’t right, you want to stay but you are tired.
This could be any type of relationship whether romantic, platonic, or physical, they all seem to have an ending. But, how do you know when you’ve arrived at the end and it’s time to leave the relationship behind?
Here are a few different ways to know when it’s time to move on from a person and live a better life.
1. When It Hurts and you can't take it anymore
All pain is temporary, but that doesn’t mean that you have to go through it repeatedly. If being around a person hurts you mentally, physically, or emotionally it’s time to move on.
Nobody likes being hurt, we adjust to the pain. There is no actual reason that you should stay in a situation that is detrimental to you. A good healthy relationship doesn't hurt. If being around a person hurts you, it's not healthy for you.
No one wants to feel pain. If there’s a pebble in our shoe, we take it out. If we cut ourselves, we scream. If we prick ourselves, we curse.
No one wants to be hurt. We actively avoid hurting ourselves. We do not go up and put our hands on a hot stove, why would we go near people who hurt us?
2. When Your Boundaries Aren’t Being Respected
Every relationship should have a set of boundaries. Boundaries are set for our own comfortability and help us to feel safe with another person.
A person who repeatedly disregarded your boundaries, for their own personal gain, doesn’t respect you, they use you. A person that you cannot set limits with, isn't someone you should let stay in your life.
Boundaries aren’t there to be tested. When I let a person know that I do not like something, I don’t let them test it. If a person can’t even remember the boundaries I’ve set, then I do not allow them to stay in my life.
3. When The Other Person Doesn’t Care About Your Comfortability
Everyone has their own level of comfortability, which is important. You should feel safe with the people in your life. Someone who loves you wouldn’t go out of their way to make you feel uncomfortable.
A person who makes you uncomfortable doesn’t care about you. Get away from people who make you uncomfortable. If your fight or flight response kicks in around people, choose flight. Leave them behind.
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If a person makes me feel uncomfortable I let them know. This is a great way to see who the other person really is. Once I was on a date and the person made me uncomfortable.
I verbalized that what they did made me uncomfortable and they threw a fit. I walked away right then and there since I knew they didn’t care about how I felt.
4. When You Feel Like Something Is Wrong
Trust your instincts. If you feel like something is off, then it probably is. Some people will try to gaslight you.
A person will tell you that events happened differently than you remember them. You will feel like you are losing a piece of your sanity.
You should trust yourself first and get away from the person who makes you doubt yourself.
5. When the Other Person Isn’t Receptive
Communication doesn’t matter when another person disregards everything you say. You can talk until you are blue in the face, it doesn't matter if the other person isn’t willing to listen to you.
Some people might superficially listen to you, but that doesn't mean they are willing to listen to what you have to say. You can tell a person that they are hurting you and ask them to stop, but they will respond that they aren’t hurting you. People like this shouldn’t be in your life.
A solid relationship can only work if both people are willing to listen to the other person. I told the person that I was dating that something in our relationship wasn’t working for me.
Instead of having an open honest conversation with me, they used cheesy lines and cliques. It wasn’t long before I was done with them for good because they weren’t willing to listen to what I had to say.
6. When You Are Always Giving
Relationships are given and taken, it is never just one-sided. If you find yourself always on the giving end then something isn’t right. If all a person does is want things from you and take what they can get, then you’ll wear yourself out.
Never give more than what you are getting. If I can go a hundred miles for a person, but they can’t even go to the mailbox for me, then the relationship isn’t about wanting each other to flourish. It’s about what one person wants and that is to take.
7. When You Keep Telling Yourself This Isn’t What The Person Is Like
Making excuses for a person is easy. We look back on memories of the people we knew and tell ourselves that this is the real version of them. We tell ourselves that whatever they are doing in the present isn’t who they really are.
We make too many excuses and tell ourselves that the person we see in front of us isn’t who they really are. If not for the past memories of a person we would not put up with them in the present. We need to accept that the people we see are who they are.
The hardest thing to realize is that people change. I’ve left friends because I saw who they grew into. They were no longer the people that I used to know because people change every day. That’s the hard truth of life. People change and you have to look at them for who they are, not who they were.
8. When You Keep Going Through The Same Pattern
Patterns are easy to see, but hard to break. We are creatures of habit after all. We like to have a routine or cycle to go through. This makes things easier to understand. When the pattern is one that continues to hurt you, you should leave. There is no need to go through the cycle of having to forgive a person for how they constantly hurt you, in the exact same way they have before.
I had a friend who went after a guy that she knew was bad for her. When I asked her why she said, “I run towards red flags because I know what to expect. They (the red flags) are comfortable for me.”
9. When You Feel Drained
A relationship shouldn’t drain you. You should feel exhausted by being around a person. A person should not drain you emotionally, physically, or financially. Relationships are meant to help you flourish not diminish. When a person makes you feel like less, you should go.
What causes people to feel drained is exactly what they aren’t getting. The respect they need. Respect yourself enough not to let a person take everything away from you, otherwise in the end it is all loss.
10. When You Are Afraid To Say No
You are allowed to say no and you do not need to give a reason why. If a person makes you feel like you can’t say no, then they are bad for you. You should not stay with a person that you cannot express yourself with. That person just wants you to do what you are told, they do not want a relationship.
If you can't say no, then you cannot talk to the person. If you cannot talk to the person, then it is not a relationship. If you're not in a relationship with the person, then you should walk away.
Relationships are never easy. In The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein, a young boy forms a relationship with a tree over his entire life.
The tree gives the man everything he asks for because she loves him. In the end, the tree loses her apples, branches, and bark, until it is nothing more than a stump.
The man takes, and takes, and takes until there is nothing left.
The story demonstrates that relationships run their course and we must move on from others before they take everything we have.
The comparison between avoiding physical pain and emotional pain is brilliant. We instinctively protect ourselves from physical harm, why not emotional?
I really resonate with point 7 about making excuses. I spent years telling myself my ex would change back to who they used to be, but people evolve and sometimes not for the better.
